Apologies if you’ve been coming here the last few weeks for our Arrow recaps. I’ve been supposed to be Connie’s back-up, but I haven’t been able to muster the strength to recap a show that, honestly, I’ve been out on all season. Sure, I’ve been watching it (on DVR delay) every week, but this season has been more than disappointing. And if rumors about the death being revealed on tonight’s episode is true, I might be out for good. But more on that later.

The last two episodes — “Broken Hearts” and “Beacon of Hope” — share a similarity in that they brought back past female supervillains, though Emily Kinney’s Brie Larvan was originally on Flash — that happened to feature Emily Bett Rickards’ Felicity, so it’s still a hero/villain rematch. The other thing about bringing back the Bug-Eyed Bandit, as well as Amy Gumenick as Cupid, is that both villainesses were fairly forgettable the first times around.

In the first rematch, Cupid is back in Star City taking out celebrity couples because she no longer believes in love. This is because the last time we saw Cupid, she was on Task Force X and made Floyd Lawton her latest stalker obsession. Then, Warner Brothers figured there could only be one Deadshot because of the Suicide Squad movie and killed off the TV-verse’s version (which is also why they snuffed Arrow’s version of Amanda Waller)¹. Now, Cupid is even more unhinged and taking out “happy couples.” But really, this was just a way for the writers to shoehorn an “Olicity” scene despite the fact that they broke them previously.

Despite pretending to exchange vows and profess their love for one another, fandom’s favorite pairing remain separated when the episode ends. And Arrow descends even further in to melodramatic soap opera.

The following week’s episode finds Felicity trapped inside Palmer Tech HQ when the Bug-Eyed Bandit comes to Star City to demand the tech that restored Felicity’s ability to walk. Cut off from the rest of Team Arrow — save for Thea — by a swarm of robotic bees, Curtis becomes the team’s go-to tech expert when he stumbles his way into the their ArrowCave Bunker.

Echo Kellum’s endearing nerdiness in his scenes with the team harken back to why audiences were so enamored with Felicity’s original characterization way back in Season One — and which has been missing since the character was elevated to romantic lead. At this point, I don’t think we’ll ever get Season One Felicity back, so it’s likely that Curtis will stick around. In fact, Kellum’s recent promotion to series regular pretty much confirms that.

As much as I enjoy Kellum on the show, I’m of two minds about his inclusion on the team. On the one hand, yay more people of color! And hooray for LGBT representation! On the other hand, the ArrowCave is going to be significantly more dude-heavy, especially after what they’ve been hinting about Black Canary’s fate. And that’s a problem.

If there’s one thing Arrow doesn’t need it’s fridging yet another female character on the show. Look at the track record: Sara (twice if you count the pilot), Moira, Amanda Waller, Shado. These characters have all been sacrificed primarily to elevate the male heroes. Which is a shame, because for multiple episodes this season, Arrow has gone into battle with a team that at various times has consisted of Black Canary, Speedy, Vixen, Nyssa, and Felicity as Overwatch.

After tonight’s mystery death reveal and Felicity’s choice to stay away from Team Arrow, sadly, any progress the show might have made in moving away from its treatment of its women on the show could all be undone.

Now, if this is all prologue for an eventual Birds of Prey series, I’d be willing to forgive them. Since that isn’t likely, here’s hoping the show figures itself out sooner than later. Because even though Arrow kicked off the Berlanti-verse corner of the DCU, it’s starting to fall behind shows like Flash, Supergirl, and Legends of Tomorrow.

When the powers that be at Warner Brothers and CBS finally acquiesced and greenlit a Supergirl/Flash crossover, I wonder if they were intentional about airing it the Monday after Batman v Superman’s opening weekend? Because after two-and-a-half hours worth of self-serious grimdark, it was such a relief to see DC superheroes who actually, you know, enjoy being superheroes.

This has been a running theme of these recaps all season, but the producers on Supergirl seem to have a better grasp of what makes the Superman family work as characters than the current cinematic Superman braintrust. Seeing the episode “Worlds’ Finest” so soon after watching Dawn of Justice only heightened the contrast between the movie and television side of DC Entertainment.

"Tell me. Do you like ice cream? You will!" #SupergirlXTheFlash @grantgust @MelissaBenoist @TheNerdsofColor https://t.co/mr5pfG5r2i

—
Keith Chow (@the_real_chow) March 29, 2016

If I had one critique, it would be that aside from the scenes with Barry, this wasn’t my favorite episode of the series. The twenty or so minutes that Barry is on screen interacting with the Super Friends is by far my favorite stuff of the season. It’s just that the other half — primarily the convoluted way that the villains pair up and Jealous Jimmy — is some of the show’s weaker elements. But let’s dive in to what worked and what didn’t.

We start off in the DEO where Winn has rushed Siobhan after she plunged off the roof of CatCo, unleashing her Banshee scream for the first time. The doctor is apparently a female version of Emil Hamilton, a character who, considering this week’s guest star, coincidentally has historic ties to S.T.A.R. Labs. Winn is relieved to learn his girlfriend isn’t an alien — which is weird considering his previous crush on Kara — but Siobhan is freaking out. She spies Chekhov’s Livewire being interrogated by Lucy, which is one of the episode’s eye-rollingiest scenes.

Of course, now that Siobhan has unleashed the Banshee, she starts hearing voices and sees flashes of her villainous destiny flash before her flashy (enough puns yet?) eyes. Her first move as a bad guy is to go to CatCo and murder Cat. Kara, gets in her way, and for her trouble, gets tossed out of the window. Of course, Kara can’t just fly away without giving away her identity, and landing on the ground unscathed would’ve been a giveaway too. Also, she’s unconscious. So how is she going to get out of this? Fortunately, multiverse-jumping Barry just happened to Flash into Earth-CBS just in time to catch Kara and speed her off to the desert. Flaming boobs and all.

After Kara pats herself down, she abandons her civvies and takes off back to National City. Barry, obviously taken aback, speeds after her and we finally get Supergirl and The Flash on screen at the same time.

This is easily the best superhero meet-cute in crossover history. Seeing these two finally sharing a scene together fills me with so much glee that I wish we could have two-and-a-half hours of these two hanging out and eating ice cream. Barry realizes Kara is more than metahuman and gives the CBS audience a quick “previously on…” about what he’s been doing on The CW. This is when they — and we — figure out Barry is from an alternate universe and Earth-CBS is distinct from Earth-CW.

Barry and Kara are in the Super Friends’ secret CatCo lair when Winn and James walk in on the new friends. Kara explains Barry is from an alternate universe and Winn has a new crush. Seriously, where are the Winn/Barry shippers? Because those two are magic together.

Barry also learns that Kara is an alien, not metahuman, and it’s also the best.

Really the scene is so sweet it actually includes ice cream and doughnuts. Forget Zack Snyder’s Justice League, the team-up I want to see is Barry, Kara, Winn, Cisco, Caitlin, Curtis, Ray, and Felicity in their own DC Super Hero Nerds franchise. As great as this whole scene is, it also introduces one of the aspects I was less impressed with: Jealous James. It’s a cute gag, I guess — and Winn’s reaction to seeing a frowny faced James is hilarious — but I could’ve done with a few less scenes of James side-eyeing Barry. I mean, Superman’s his best pal. If anyone is immune to Superhero Envy, it’d be James Olsen. At least Zack Snyder doesn’t show up and shoot him in the head.

Before the Super Flash Friends go on their doughnut run, Cat calls them into her office to discuss news of National City’s newest superhero. Kara awkwardly introduces Barry after Cat makes a meta CW joke and names the new hero The Blur (Smallville reference!), much to Barry’s chagrin.

Later, Siobhan visits a relative and learns about the Banshee curse inflicted on the women of their family. The only way to be relieved of the curse is to kill the person who has wronged them. Naturally, this solidifies her heel turn, so she somehow sneaks back into the DEO and releases Livewire, because why not.

It’s dialogue like that that makes me wish the whole episode was Kara and Barry eating doughnuts together.

Knowing that Livewire has escaped and is gunning for Cat, Kara takes Flash to the DEO to meet with Lucy and devise a “plan” for taking her down. I have to say, the chemistry that Grant Gustin displays on screen with Melissa Benoist and Jeremy Jordan is really good. It’s so good that it actually plays into James’ jealousy subplot. When he watches the Super Nerds interacting at the DEO, you kind of feel sorry for him. Then you remember, why isn’t Jimmy a nerd either?

When Mehcad Brooks was first cast, we were hoping he’d be bringing some Blerdness to the show. Clearly, by casting Brooks the show has gone in a different direction, making him more sexy and less nerdy. I still wish they cast Echo Kellum as Jimmy Olsen and Brooks as Mister Terrific, but that ship sailed a long time ago. Anyway, James needs a pep talk from his ex to get over his jealousy. Meanwhile, Barry and Winn (look at them!) create a device to track Livewire, and Supergirl decides to go in without a plan (Team Flash, they are not).

Flash and Supergirl speed over to Livewire’s whereabouts but are ambushed by Siobhan  who has gone full on Silver Banshee (though we’re never shown if this is her true self emerged, or if it’s just an elaborate makeup job. The previous scene between the villains imply the latter, but whatevs). Unprepared for a super villain team-up, our heroes retreat and have to come up with a better way to stop the bad guys.

On CatCo’s confessional balcony, Barry and Kara share a heart-to-heart about what it means to be a hero.

The two head back to the DEO to better prepare for their next battle when Silver Banshee and Livewire kidnap Cat Grant right from under their noses. James tries to signal watch Kara, but is zapped by Livewire. Winn tries to talk some sense into his Siobhan, but gets tossed against the wall for his troubles.

After learning that Cat is being held by the villains in a park, Supergirl and Flash head back to the city, but this time ready for the fight. The fight itself isn’t great, but Supergirl’s confidence — with The Flash at her side — is all kinds of awesome.

The villains ultimately get the upper hand, but fortunately, the citizens of National City stand up for their hero and help save the day. It’s corny, but it works. The episode ends with Supergirl and Flash back in the desert preparing to send Barry back to Earth-CW. The two heroes have to combine their speeds in order to throw Barry back to his dimension, or something. Whatever, it’s just an excuse for the two to finally race.

After such a successful crossover, here’s hoping the two networks find ways for more opportunities to team up. I’m also hoping that there’s some type of Crisis event that can merge all of the multiple earths into a single universe, because I need these heroes to all be together all the time. Just need more singing next time.

Look at all the glee on their faces! Smiling superheroes. Who knew?

I have to admit, the penultimate episode of Supergirl’s first season was definitely not my favorite. I’ve been a big booster for this show, even before it premiered, but last week’s culmination of the “Myriad” storyline was not nearly as satisfying as it could have been. Of course, there were some strong moments — as is the case with every Supergirl episode, Calista Flockhart is the MVP — but I really wasn’t feeling the villains’ evil plot this week, especially considering this was being alluded to all season-long.

Perhaps it was because this episode was following up the brilliant Flash crossover, or maybe it was too much to make the “Myriad” plotline pay off, but I felt like it stumbled to get to the finish line when it didn’t have to. But let’s dive in to the strong stuff first!

One of the things I’ve loved all season is how much the producers pay homage to Superman and Supergirl history on the show. From the casting of former TV Superman Dean Cain as Kara’s adoptive father to various subtle references to Smallville and not-so-subtle references to the comics, Supergirl is clearly respectful of the history that has come before. This was expressed in “Myriad” by looking at the cast list for the episode. In addition to star Melissa Benoist, it also featured Helen Slater and Laura Vandervoort, all in the same episode.

ALL THE SUPERGIRLS THIS EPISODE. ALL OF THEM. #SupGirl #Supergirl @MelissaBenoist @Vandiekins22 @HelenSlaterNYC

—
The Nerds of Color (@TheNerdsofColor) April 12, 2016

Speaking of allusions to the comic, we also got a nice look at another Fort Rozz prisoner, who also happens to be another character from the Superman comics: Maxima, played by former WWE wrestler Eve Torres. This isn’t the first time Maxima has been depicted in live action, however, since she was the main antagonist in a Season 8 episode of Smallville.

It was also cool to return to Alex and Hank’s adventures on the run — which were completely ignored in the crossover. Seeing these former DEO agents operating as fugitives could have been a whole-season unto itself. It was an especially nice touch to see Alex and J’onn traveling incognito. The scene when Highway Patrol inspect their bus, was genuinely tense, but I’m not exactly sure what the point of their subplot was supposed to be.

For example, why were they visiting Alex’s mom — other than to bring Helen Slater back tot he show? I mean, if the authorities are looking for them, I’m pretty sure the home of the fugitive’s sole surviving parent would be the first place they’d look, but I digress.

The last thing that really worked this episode, again, was the interaction between Kara and Cat. As Abraham Riesman mentions in his Vulture piece about Flockhart’s role on the series, Cat is the “hardy soul who always gives me a reason to keep watching.”

Cat’s balcony speech to Kara about choosing hope over fear is another one of those reasons. And not just because it so succinctly makes the case for how Supergirl should be but it also directly speaks to how these superheroes are typically depicted in pop culture.

"Not through violence, not through fear. Just be Supergirl." It's like Cat was talking to Zack Snyder. #Supergirl twitter.com/thenerdsofcolo…

—
Keith Chow (@the_real_chow) April 12, 2016

Despite these bright spots, the episode on balance fell flat for me. Maybe because the majority of it involved Kara, Cat, and Maxwell Lord just talking to each other at CatCo HQ, which led to a lot of scenes of telling and not showing. But I think it’s because the reveal of what Myriad actually is was less than exciting.

The final moments of the previous episode was actually chilling — James, after he and Kara finally kiss, becomes a mindless drone following hundreds of thousands of other people on the streets of National City, under the influence of an unseen manipulator. Turns out, Non and Indigo were just mind-controlling everyone to use all of their brainpower to solve the world’s problems. From racism to climate change, Non’s evil plot was to turn National City into a giant think tank, to paraphrase Max Lord.

Really? That’s the gist behind the word that makes Kryptonian A.I. freak the fuck out? Sure, the mind control aspect is pretty messed up, leading to a scene in which Winn and James (and one of their co-workers we’ve never seen before, so she might as well have been wearing a red shirt) all jump out of the window simultaneously.

This episode also gives us another glimpse of this universe’s Superman, and to be honest, this was probably the most maddening aspect of the show thus far. Of course, I’ve enjoyed the previous instances in which they’ve brought in Clark in the past — whether via instant message or a glimpse of his Fortress — but this felt the most shoehorned. Worse, his appearance didn’t make any sense!

Ever since they introduced a whole battalion of evil Kryptonians, one of the questions that has dogged the show has been ‘Where is Superman?’ This is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, I appreciate that the show doesn’t totally ignore the presence of Superman, and thus far, it has done a great job of separating itself from her cousin’s shadow, while still feeling authentically a part of the larger Super-universe. On the other hand, the writers have to always twist themselves into knots to explain why he doesn’t just fly over to National City to lend a hand.

So when Kelex tells Kara that Kal-El is off-world and unable to assist the crisis in her city, I thought the writers had figured out an acceptable answer to the season’s biggest question: Where is Superman to fight the Evil Kryptonians?! But then Clark sends Kara a text, and tells her he’s on his way. What? Why? You’ve already established why and how Superman isn’t able to help, so why bring him in? Especially if you’re just going to turn him into another drone? Which makes even less sense because, while he may have been raised on Earth, his physiology IS STILL ALIEN!

The shot of Superman as a speck in the sky was definitely not worth the narrative fail of bringing him on in the first place.

Still, Superman’s fifteen seconds of screentime on Supergirl was still more engaging than the entirety of his participation in Batman v Superman.

My name is Barry Allen, and I am the saddest man alive. The title of the episode is “Back to Normal,” but this is not the normal Barry Allen that we met on Arrow years ago. He hates buses and putting on clothes and when his coffee cup breaks, he looks like he’s going to burst into tears.

The Flash team sans Caitlin (because of kidnap reasons), is working tirelessly to figure out a way to save her. It’s pretty impossible since they don’t know anyone else with superspeed to get through the breach to Earth-2, so Cisco just occasionally check-in on her by vibing. Harry is still pissed that Barry gave up his speed. Most of us are.

In Zoom’s lair on Earth-2, Jay-HZ is trying to create some beauty and the beast situation with Caitlin. I think he even shaved and got a haircut? He’s all smiley and polite and tells her to “make herself at home.” He vibrates her handcuffs off like it’s supposed to be sweet. YUCK.

Caitlin calls Jay-HZ “Hunter,” and he gets a memory migraine where he flashes back to his awful childhood. Maybe that’s how Barry can defeat him: Everyone in Central City can just start chanting, “Hunter Hunter you suck Hunter your dad was shitty Hunter and so are youu na na na na na!”

Jay-HZ inflicts some name-cringing when he calls Caitlin, “Cait.” Caitlin is like “DON’T YOU DARE!!!!” That name is only reserved for people she loves. Quick Question: Who else, besides Ronnie and Barry have used the nickname “Cait”? I’m legitimately curious. Gifsets, please!

As Caitlin explores her new “home” (YUCK.), she comes across her new roommates: the man in the iron mask who is totally Wally West-2 and her doppelganger, Killer Frost.

On Earth-1, Wally visits Joe at Central City Police Department. They call each other “dad” and “son” and I try not to cry openly. Wally asks Joe to set up a meeting with the Flash… he’s getting all Roy Harper on us. Joe pulls out the Not-Right-Now-Son card aka the Standard Dad Move. If Wally doesn’t figure out that Barry is The Flash on his own, then I GIVE UP.

Harry Wells finds Jesse because apparently Earth-2 citizens are cellular dead zones. This seems like a plot-point to me, or maybe I’m just looking too much into things and now everything is foreshadowing. He tries to convince his cellularly dead daughter to come back to S.T.A.R. Labs, but she is done with him.

Jesse has built in a new life.. fairly quickly. She has a new apartment with a new, useless roommate who immediately invites in the stranger looking for her. Yes, it turns out to be Jesse’s dad but even Wells recognizes that this roommate sucks and is probably going to die due to her lack of vigilance. It’s also a direct violation of Girl Code: when a man comes around looking for a female acquaintance by name, you ask who they are and what they need. WOMEN GOTTA LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER. Not all men are crazy, of course, but a lot of them are… just look at freaking Jay-Zoom.

Harry leaves without his daughter, but a metahuman slams into not-at-all inconspicuous S.T.A.R. van to kidnap Harry Wells. This meta-human is Griffin Grey, and he has Superman-like impenetrability and strength. The way Grey throws himself shoulder first into the oncoming van is reminiscent of Clark Kent vs. the bus during first season of Smallville. The collision activates the Cisco Crash Assist feature, and Cisco and Barry go into Crisis mode. First Caitlin, now Wells. Barry is have a rough time; he calls Iris up for backup because she is part of the team and finally has some non-romantic agency this season(!!!).

At Zoom’s lair, the Caitlins talk to each other and formulate an escape plan. Really, Caitlin-1? Don’t let the wide-eyed, overly-trusting persona that the writers have forced upon your character overshadow your intelligence… especially for your trope-y villainous psychotic female counterpart.

As you may not know, I’m a Caitlin fan, borderline Caitlin stan, and her storyline has been frustrating as hell this season. This is the second time she’s been “stolen” by a Bad Guy who wants to “keep her.”

Well, it was a bad idea (of course it was) because once Cait helps Cait-KF out or her cell, the icy bitch betrays her and tries to kill her despite their bonding over their emotionally-cold mothers. Killer Frost’s reason: Jay-HZ didn’t want to kill her because of her face, but she was useless to him alive if the “real” Caitlin was there. So she’s going to steal her identity? Jay-Zoom ain’t playing with that, and uses one of the icicles Killer Frost shoots out to stab the frosty doppelganger in the ice chest. I was really pleased with Zoom phasing THROUGH Caitlin; someone tweeted at us that it perfectly emphasizes the difference between Barry and Jay-HZ.

On Earth-1 Wells’ super-kidnapper Griffin Grey, Meta-villain of the Week, reveals that his super-strength comes with the side-effect of aging at an increased rate. He’s only 18, but he looks 40-years-old and awful. His clothes with his graying  hair (GREY HAIRS?) and his immature desire to invoke revenge on Harrison Wells-1 makes him a very sad, cringeworthy bad guy.

Jesse Quick helps them figure out this information because she’s a genius and basically takes Caitlin’s place which only further illustrates Caitlin’s futility this season with a pentagonal degree.

Iris West with the flavor! You have no idea how excited I was that they gave Iris that line which would usually go to Cisco. (BTW, I’m into Cisco/Jesse: “Jesse, I’m gonna need some of that quick thinking of yours.”)

Joe, Cisco, and Barry track down Griffin Grey to an Ace Chemicals warehouse where they stupidly try to take him down. In the process, Barry gets hit by a metal barrel. THIS PLAN WAS TERRIBLE. Cisco uses some Legend metal from Ray Palmer’s atom suit to reinforce Barry’s supersuit… because Barry Allen is a dum-dum and doesn’t know when to quit. He’s gonna fight with Grey so that all of the energy the metahuman uses will accelerate his aging even more and weaken him. Barry Allen: Human Punching Bag. Barry reveals to Iris his insecurities and his desire to remain helpful.She falls for him even more. Oh, yeah. WestAllen in 3.. 2… 1..

Damn, watching Barry jog along side non-speedy humans is bizarre. They end up at an amusement park because of course that’s where an aging, Benjamin Button villain would have his secret hideout. He whines about wanting to marry his high school sweetheart and losing his virginity and the ninja turtles or something.

CISCO: “Why is it that bad guys always insist on having the creepiest hideouts?”

JOE: “Because they crazy.”

Grey Griffin uses Barry to throw a tantrum, as horribly planned, and ages himself to death. Like that scene of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when the greedy bad guy drank from the wrong cup. Like he was hosting Tales from the Crypt. Like he was the caretaker of Hogwarts.

The team finds a handcuffed Harry Wells (oooooh) and they all go back to the lab, including Jesse. After reconciling and finally effectively communicating their feels to each other, Jesse decides to move back to Central City. Just in time… because Wells has a plan for Barry that will undoubtedly have MAJOR consequences.

SO. MUCH. SET. UP. The most obvious set up is Wally West on the roof, speaking to The Flash to thank him. The Flash has inspired him to be good and do good… this reminds me of when Iris would talk to a masked-Barry, but with less hormones. Wally makes a promise to Flash!Barry to not waste the chance that he’s given him. I’M SO HYPE ABOUT THIS YOU GUYS.

So before this storyline literally explodes next episode, I’d like to leave us all with the knowledge that Harry Wells has a Big Belly Poster in his room.

“My name is Barry Allen and I am the fas– nope, not yet.”

Now I know that there is a certain amount of suspended disbelief when it comes to this show, and this is one of those times when I can’t help but yell, “REALLY?” at my TV. In the absence of The Flash, Team Flash is using a hologram to trick the city and the city’s criminals into believing that Central City is still under Barry’s speedy protection. In reality, Cisco is using his Warcraft skills to control the projection as Barry runs around in a Tron suit. Iris is being as helpful as she can, but it’s just too damn ridiculous.

Harry Wells uselessy warns the team of Zoom’s world-conquering techniques. First he kidnaps people, then he kills police, and then he recruits metahumans. But nooooooo Cisco and Iris and Barry are busy video game-saving the city with a Flash Hologram.  Wells thinks the idea isn’t going to last. Wow, Harry Wells is the (dick-ish)Voice of Reason. This earth really is coming to an end… Harry was there! He knows! Why won’t anyone listen to him? It’s because he’s a Slytherin.

And they’re all too busy being Gryffindors.

Barry is lost and needs advice from more than his two surrogate fathers. He heads into the literal woods to find his biological Daddy, Henry Allen. He drives, and Daddy Allen notices. In less than three minutes, Barry spills his heart out.

Oh yeah, the man in the iron mask is definitely Henry Allen-2. It makes sense: we saw him suited up the first time Barry ran through the Speedforce Tunnel to Earth-2, and on Earth-2 Robert Queen is the Green Arrow. Oh, and Nora Allen-2 called their house because they were visiting Atlantis. C’mon. Daddy Flash does not like that Barry’s loss of powers seem to equate a loss of identity. He decides to move back to Central City with Barry.

At CCPD, Zoom begins the next step of his Manifest Destiny. The last time he showed up at CCPD, he flung Flash!Barry’s body around like a plush velveteen rabbit. He doesn’t kill anyone (yet) after Caitlin begs him not to. Zoom claims the precinct as his new Zoom lair and handcuffs her to a desk. Real romantic shit.

At S.T.A.R. Labs, Joe + Harry + Henry hold the first Daddy-Con. Harry and Henry are on opposite sides of the spectrum, and Joe is the neutral member. They all argue over who luuurves Barry the most. Barry listens in and tells his dads that when he makes his choice, it will be his choice.

When Cisco vibes a vision of his brother Dante, he asks his asshole older brother to meet up to make sure that he’s safe. Yes, Dante is safe and he’s still a total bastard to Cisco. If you ask me, Dante is jealous of Cisco’s success. Dante consistently undermines him by making fun of his clothes, blaming Cisco for being kidnapped, and complaining about his nearly-damaged-by-ice hands. I know he’s broke: he makes Cisco pay for the bar tab. He follows Cisco out because he needs a ride (“from one of the company cars”), and Dante Ramon-2 attacks the both of them. On Earth-2, Dante is called, “Rupture” and he wrongfully- blames Cisco for Cisco-2’s death. Damn, Cisco is the punching bag of ALL Dante Ramons of all earths.

Team Flash tries to come up with a plan to stop Rupture/ Dante-2, and Barry is running out of ideas that do not involve another particle accelerator explosion. Iris finds Barry in front of the Fringe-Vacuum machine that Wells created; Westallen is rising.

Iris West reveals to Barry Allen that, lately, she’s had very non-platonish feelings towards him. All signs have pointed to them being each other’s destiny, and she has finally embraced that. I do not handle this confession very well as evident in my livetweets.

The CCPD hide behind the CC Jitters coffee counter and wait for the fake-Barry hologram to fake-kick Rupture’s ass.They just won’t quitwith this gotdamb hologram!  I don’t understand how it’s working, but I guess I’ll just go with it because I’m just waiting for Wally and Jesse to get fast. Jay-HZ realizes that Caitlin stole a cellphone from one of the police’s evidence boxes to warn everyone, and he’s pissed. He’s hurt. “YOU BETRAYED ME!” he yells dramatically as he flashes with blue lightning. C’mon, Beast, what did you think would happen? At least the Disney Beast let his Beauty hang out in the library and raid the talking kitchen.

Sigh. The only consistent character trait Caitlin Snow has had this season is her M.O. to protect Barry Allen.

Jay-HZ  runs to Jitters where the A-team of CCPD is assembled along with a Live Action News Team.  Zoom cracks all of their necks…  in a flash. The whole city watches. Barry stupidly runs out of the safe van (at normal human speed) to beg Jay-Zoom to stop because he’s made his point;  only Joe, Captain Singh, and Barry were spared. To further illustrate his “point,” Zoom kills his own henchman, Dante Ramon-2, for the cameras and tells the airwaves that the Flash is gone and hope is dead. Zoom orders Singh to tell the rest of his police force to stand down. Barry stares at Zoom in horror and helplessness.

“You’re only alive because of Caitlin. Try something like this again, and my affection for her won’t stop me from killing you or the rest of this city.” –Zoom’s warning to Barry

The next step for Zoom is to recruit metahumans from Earth-1. Apparently, if Earth-2 was bad, Earth-1 is infinitely worse because the particle accelerator wasn’t contained like it was with Wells-2. The anonymous  metahumans will start to reveal themselves after Zoom’s truth-bomb about the Flash being gone… and this is Barry’s final straw. He will no longer leave the earth unprotected by remaining powerless.

Harry has all of Wells-1’s notes to recreate the particle accelerator explosion. Something something science. Something something dark matter. Something something dark side.

On the roof, Cisco summons the lightning to strike Barry. I would totally ask Cisco Ramon to the Yule Ball. Wells also refrained from telling the team that he’d inject Barry with chemicals. And that he’s strap him into the machine like a Winter Soldier.

Barry is at the end of his rope. He loves his powers. He loves saving the world. This is his only hope… and it’s terrifying to watch.

Cisco returns to the roof in the aftermath of the explosion. All that’s left is a shred of Barry’s red suit. It’s heartbreaking watching everyone react to Barry’s disappearance; I mean, we as the audience know that Barry is alive and somewhere and cannot die due to the titular rules of TV, but they don’t know that.

(I do wish we got to see Caitlin’s reaction as well. Perhaps Barry’s death is going to unlock something in her and she’ll go HAM on Jay-HZ.)

Wally West and Jesse Quick: Young Justice

This is it. This is happening. They’re been dropping Grodd-sized hints to us all week: All of the Need For Speed references regarding Wally and multiple, gratuitous uses of the word “quick” whenever Jessie Wells is around… it was inevitable. AND IT’S HAPPENING.

The two youngins get locked in the Braille Rime Room of Requirement to “keep them safe.” They’re be SUPER safe. I’m SUPER fine with this. I SUPER think I ship it.

They keep facetiming the lab asking when they’ll be let out so that they can help, but everyone is like, “NO.” I happy dance. I’m ready for this.

They get hit by the anti-matter. WHILE RUNNING.

Gimme that lightning! Show me some sparks on their cheeks!

It’s happening.

“The Runaway Dinosaur” is a children’s book that our Flash’s mom used to read to him when he was younger about a lost dinosaur. Our Barry-saur is also lost, but in a place we’ve only been in passing: in the Speed Force. I think. What kind of noun is the Speed Force, anyways? Only Kevin Smith, the director of this episode, knows.

It’s been literal seconds since Barry disappeared in a flash of light, leaving behind a distraught team. Cisco runs in from the roof like, “I WAS GONE FOR TWO MINUTES…” Talk about character development: Cisco didn’t even blink at the remaining tatters of Barry’s costume.

Things are looking bleak. Barry’s dad, Henry Allen, sits in shock. Harry Wells gives the ‘all clear’ to Jesse and Wally where he thinks they are safely waiting in the Room of Requirement, unaware that they broke out just as the particle accelerator went off. The two dads, Harry and Joe, run and slide to find their unconscious, young justice bodies. Damn, it is not a good day to be the father of a speedster.

Wally immediately wakes up and politely asks Iris and Joe to stop yelling, but Jesse remains unconscious. Iris suggests that Dr. Henry Allen take a look at her because she may be in a coma like Barry was when he was originally struck by lightning.

Cisco sadly inspects the torn leftovers of the red suit and vibes a vision of Barry. He’s alive and somewhere confusing.

Barry wakes up “in his childhood bedroom” and finds “Detective Joe West” downstairs cleaning up a “crime scene.”

Apparently, none of it is real and the Speed Force is manifesting itself as all things familiar to Barry. The Speed Force just wants to have a chat with Barry, but the Speed Force also wants Barry to be comfortable. Sit, Barry, sit, the Speed Force asks. Force!Joe is the first of many forms that the Speed Force will take this episode in an effort to engage in some real talk.

“When the first subatomic particle sprang forth from the Big Bang to form reality as you know it, we were there. When the last proton decays, stops vibrating, and plunges the universe into heat death, we’ll be there too. –The Speed Force

“We” is the Speed Force. Barry is mind-blowingly talk to the Speed Force like he’s talking to gravity or light. It’s weird. But okay. I don’t get it, but I accept it. Barry also accepts it, and asks to go back to save his friends from Zoom. Thank God, Barry still has his eyes on the prize. Force!Joe tells him that he won’t be able to return home until he catches a superspeeding shadow that is also the Speed Force? I don’t know anything.

In S.T.A.R. Labs, everyone is asked to rise to the occasion and perform their jobs despite the high stress and anguish levels: Dr. Allen is in charge of medical since Dr. Caitlin Snow is still Zoom’s hostage, Cisco is trying to vibe and find Barry, Harry must figure out how to get Barry out of the Speed Force, Joe is keeping the peace, and Iris retrieving Thawne-Wells scientific files from the lab’s morgue. Because they have a morgue(ish) of metahumans. Where the evil Thawne-Wells dissected and took some notes. This should’ve been a red flag, but Cisco claims, “it was a crazy time” and they  “had a lot going on.”

The crazy times never stop, Cisco, because at that moment, Zombie!Girder (from season one, episode six) comes bursting through the morgue-ish door. A zombie, foreal? Irisco cannot believe this is happening. We can’t either, Irisco.

Barry, still in Speed Force Land, comes across Force!Iris in the place where they had their first kiss (back when she was unavailable). Sit, Barry, sit. The Speed Force asks Barry why Barry would give up the rare and precious gift that was his speed. Barry is rightfully indignant and straight up yells at Force!Iris that he was trying to be a hero and save someones life! C’mon, Speed Force, give us a break!

Wells figures out a way to get to Barry by sticking Cisco in the Fringe Vacuum so that he could reach out for Barry’s hand. Bromantically. Barry sees Cisco, but ignores his hand in order to chase after the shadow after Force!Iris reveals that going back means remaining speedless. Damn.

Henry, Iris, and Joe figure out that Tony Woodward aka the Bully of Steel aka Zombie!Girder is retracing his steps and searching for Iris. This excites Iris West, intrepid reporter and kickass human being, because now that they know the zombie’s plan, they know how to beat him. She’s been keeping up with crossfit even after her buddy Linda Park left.

Joe and Iris head to the West home to wait for Gilder, and awkwardly pass time questioning Wally West about his changing body. Speed-wise. Not puberty-wise. Puberty already hit him, because Wally is fine as hell. Thankfully, the conversation is cut short when the zombie metahuman arrives.

In a Speed Force Carol, Ebenezer Barry runs into Force!Henry at Nora Allen’s grave. Barry’s never visited his mother’s grave before, on any Earth and in any timeline. Barry has been haunted by his decision to NOT save his mother, so the speed force tries to help him find peace with his choice.

“How could someone ever be at peace with letting his mother die? Deciding that his life was more valuable than hers?” –Barry Allen at his mother’s grave

Grant Gustin is incredible. He is magnetic. I do not want to get into the #NotMyFlash debate, so I’ll just use that statement as a segue for Cisco’s plan to capture Zombie!Girder in an electromagnetic field from the MRI machine. The plan fails, by the way. They all run to a safety room in the lab and bring along In-A-Coma Jesse Quick. It’s time to come up with the next plan after Plans A-G failed.

Barry chases the shadow back to his “childhood home” where Force!Nora Allen is waiting to read him a story about a dinosaur. Sit, Barry. Sit. Barry confesses that he hasn’t forgiven himself for choosing his life over Nora’s despite the countless lives he’s saved because of that decision. It’s exhausting being a hero, and the Speed Force acknowledges it. They want him to rest for a moment and reflect.

The Speed Force is proud of Barry… he is the chosen one. Their pride and joy. their wonderful boy. There is clearly Speed Force favoritism amongst the speedsters of the universe.

Barry is crying. I’m crying. The gotdamb Speed Force is crying! Kevin Smith is crying. Barry finally releases his survivor’s guilt and pain to finally enjoy “The Runaway Dinosaur.” At the same time on Earth, Iris decides to go get Barry. It’s like with the files in the morgue, Cisco tried, but she needs to be the one who does it. Iris West bcomes Barry Allen’s lightning rod.

Finally, the Speed Force tells our hero what we’ve been waiting to hear: Run, Barry, run.
Barry closes his eyes and catches the shadow as it attempts to run by him. He was the shadow! WHAT? He’s granted his speed back because he is the only one to stand between the earth and unspeakable evil. But first, he’s got to deal with the reanimated Bully of Steel. Again. (Because Girder needs to finally rest. Like Barry finally got some rest. Ohhhhhhhhh…)

At first, I wasn’t sure if Barry was a little wobbly on his legs because he has to start from scratch or because he’s just re-acclimating to his speed again.

Barry visits Jesse Quick’s bedside. A spark of lightning passes between them, and she wakes up. BARRY ACTIVATED HER! RIGHT? That’s how that works? Quick, someone make Barry hug Wally! The Speed Force is strong in them.

Speaking of Barry hugging Wests… Barry visits his mother’s grave, foreal this time. He brings along Iris just like in Flashpoint Paradox. Kevin Smith is such an obvious WestAllen shipper. The sound of Iris’ voice will always bring Barry home.

So with Henry Allen moving back to Central City, there’s no doubt in my mind that next time they’re going to reveal Henry-2 as the actual Flash-2/the man in the iron mask that is Zoom’s hostage.

Oh yeah, Zoom! He still has Caitlin. He’s still trying to Beauty and the Beast her. He’s still saying “Cait.” He gives her the option of running away to join her friends, or to join his friends. If she chooses her own friends, he will not show her anymore mercy…  despite the fact that he’s trying to get it in.  Zoom’s “friends” are the metahumans who have decided to reveal themselves in an assumed-to-be-Flashless world; it’s  Berlanti-verse’s own version of a mutant uprising. “OUR WORLD, OUR WORLD!” they chant.

Super-Quick Things:

• Why is Wally West still out of the loop? “Go home, Wally, don’t think about this.” “Go upstairs, Wally. Please.”
• Papa Joe testing out Wally’s new abilities the ol’fashioned way. Iris being mad because that was the mug she bought him.
• The West family in general being like, “WHAAA… okay. Fine.”
• Cisco and Wells are so in sympatico, especially in that final scene with Girder.
• “Are you, like… magic now?” –Cisco, hand on heart
• The Smallville/Clois parallels:

When Netflix announced a reboot of the Voltron franchise, the inner child in me jumped for joy. More, I felt an instant connection to my identity as an Asian American. You see, when I think of Voltron, I’m instantly transported back to the 5th grade where I spent my time insisting to my American friends that, in the Philippines, Voltron (and a live-action TV show that turned out to be Super Sentai) was a thing before the Power Rangers. My friends wouldn’t believe me and would only laugh harder when I’d proffer that not only was Voltron a thing, but that it was actually better than the Power Rangers.

Voltron is tied, then, to that part of me that identifies as distinctly Asian American and to finally see a reboot that introduces this great franchise to a new generation is such a treat. That the first episode starts off with such great quality makes it like TV lumpia for me. Clocking in at just over an hour, the ambitious attempt to set and sketch the universe that this iteration of Voltron in is not only given space via quality writing and animation, but also time in this outsized episode. More, a roster of recognizable names lead by The Walking Dead’s Steven Yeun as Keith, along with delightful surprise Rhys Darby as comic relief via Princess Allura’s (more on her in a bit) right-hand man, Coran.

The first episode, “The Rise of Voltron,” begins with a bit of a prologue, showing a crew on Kerberos extracting scientific examples from this far off moon. We’re introduced immediately to Shiro (voiced by Josh Keaton) as he’s the only one of three crew members named before they are abducted by aliens.

The episode shifts to a simulated flight featuring familiar faces Lance (voiced by Jeremy Shada), Hunk (voiced by Tyler Labine), and Pidge (voiced by Arrow’s Bex Taylor-Klaus). The flight does not turn out well as the three characters bicker and Lance’s confidence is clearly a bit misplaced as his hubris forces their craft to crash. That evening, as Hunk and Lance try to get access to the flight simulator to sharpen their skills, they find Pidge sneaking off. They elicit that Pidge, who’s shown a fierce response to any mention of the failed Kerberos mission, actually believes that there’s an impending alien invasion.

Shortly after being told that the alien chatter is related to a word — “Voltron” — an alien ship crash lands near the barracks. Shiro, of the Kerberos mission, has apparently survived and is being held by military scientists for observation. They mention that his right arm has been replaced by a cyber prosthetic. They don’t mention, that he’s pretty damn dreamy. (Hooray for attractive depictions of Asian men!)

Keith makes his first appearance after being referred to by the commanding officer indicating that Lance only has a place in fighter school due to Keith having washed out. It appears that Keith is trying to free Shiro. The rest of the crew rush down to help and, after a pretty cool futuristic bike chase through the desert, they make it to Keith’s hide out. There, Keith indicates that after washing out of flight school, he felt compelled to start researching strange cave markings depicting lions and some sort of power source. Hunk then reveals what turns out to be a map for the source of Voltron.

The crew set forward to find this area and, after using Hunk’s “Voltron Geiger Counter” (a machine meant to detect the elemental frequency of alien minerals that they take to be related to Voltron), they stumble upon the Blue Lion. It responds immediately to Lance (who also immediately responds to it), and we learn that the lions create a sort of mind-meld with their pilots.

Soon, the lion is drawn to an alien ship and is in its first fire fight. Again, the animation and flight sequences of the episode are truly well done. After a short exchange, the crew and the lion take off at hyper speed. The lions, it turns out, move faster than any human ship. They see a portal and, pretty immediately, they defer to Shiro who is clearly the heart and soul of the team. They decide to move through the portal and, for the moment, manage to outrun the alien ship.

The crew lands on an earth-like planet called Arus and are drawn to an abandoned castle. Once inside, they are introduced to Princess Allura and Coran, the last of the Alteans. I cannot overstate how incredibly inspired the performance of Rhys Darby once Coran appears. He gets some of the best comedic lines in the entire episode — even including Hunk and Lance.

Princess Allura’s introduction, however, is not without its own surprise. Voiced by veteran voice actor (and POC) Kimberly Brooks, Allura’s features are distinctly different than in previous iterations of the show. Gone are her traditional blonde tresses, replaced with white hair — and pointier ears. Moreover, her skin is noticeably darker. So, this iteration of Voltron is already doper by way of its diverse cast AND diverse depiction of characters.

While discussing the lion, we are introduced to the big bad alien: Zarkon, leader of the Galra Empire. Soon, we are introduced by Princess Allura to the different lions and who they will be piloted by (Blue = Lance, Red = Keith, Black = Shiro, Green = Pidge, Yellow = Hunk). The crew learn that the lions are scattered throughout the universe and must find them before the alien force locate them on Altea.

The crew split up and are able to locate the Green and Yellow Lions, and it’s known that the Black Lion is hidden under the castle, only to be activated when the other lions are present. However, the location of the Red Lion is still a mystery until we learn that the Galrans are holding the Red Lion onboard their ship.

With the Galrans steaming towards Altea with an intent to secure the remaining lions and destroy the planet, the Voltron team devise a plan to trick the Galrans into thinking that they are surrendering the Blue and Yellow Lions. Meanwhile, Pidge will pilot the Green Lion with both Shiro and Keith onboard with the intent of locating the Red Lion. Before enacting the plan, the new Paladins are given their suits and their unique hand-to-hand weapons, called bayards. Shiro, tellingly, is not given one as they fear it had been lost to the other paladin.

The plan works to perfection. Pidge, Shiro and Keith make it onboard while Lance and Hunk draw fire from outside of the ship. Pidge and Shiro find some prisoners and as he fights off guards to release those prisoners, it is revealed that Shiro’s prosthetic arm actually seems to have extra special powers. Keith, meanwhile, eventually finds the Red Lion and, after a brief stand-off, he is able to win over the Red Lion and pilot it away.

On Altea, the crew release the Black Lion and we are finally in that space where we might see the lions get in formation and make Voltron. The castle is under attack and the laser pulses from the Galran ship are breaking down the force field. The team race out and try to form Voltron but, uh, no one knows how (there’s a lesson here for organizations with no transition plans, yo!).

After a bit of dallying, the team is able to mind meld to each other, exhibiting faith in each other, that allows Voltron to form. Once they combine, the team defeats the Galran ship and prevents the destruction of Altea.

All told, this episode was a terrifically crafted work that went beyond what I’d expected for the reboot. There’s lots of promise here and I look forward to the rest of the series.

A Hunk of Notes:

• The greatness of Shiro’s team leadership is pretty difficult to understate. The moment he shares with Pidge, for example, is such a great Dad-ish scene. Great depth there.
• Speaking of Shiro, he’s referred to as The Champion by the prisoners on the Galran ship. Is it possible that he fought his way to freedom and, in some way, lost his arm? Or is it possible his bayard IS his arm? That’s my favorite theory at present, but, regardless, it appears that Shiro’s time on the alien ship will be the big mystery of the series.
• The design of Voltron (and the colors of the series) look really, really great. This is a quality rendering of the classic anime that most grown fans of the series will enjoy, but there’s enough crispness that makes it feel like it would resonate in the modern age.

We’re back! I think? Barry Allen is living an alternate reality with both of his parents. He’s retained his powers, but he’s spent the last three months laying low, summoning courage to speak to Iris West, hugging his mom and dad, and watching a yellow-clad Flash take care of Central City for a change.

I forgot how much I missed Barry’s stop-slides and graceful Flash pirouettes. The Rival and Kid Flash have a daytime standoff as Barry speeds in just in time to watch. He is creeping hard on the Wests in the Flashpoint world. Now we, as the audience, know that Wally West is the golden-suited speedster, but I forreal had no idea who The Rival (this world’s bad speedster) would be. I wasn’t sure if it was Hunter Zoloman or Eddie or even Henry Allen? I just didn’t think that they’d introduce a new speedster so quickly. Rival kind of hates his name: “I HAVE NO RIVAL!!!!!!!” he screams as he tornado spins and shoots our speed lightning at the CCPD. I roll my eyes… all bad guy speedsters are the same.

Wally/Kid Flash sees Barry watching and assumes that Barry is about to get hit by Rival lightning. You guys, WALLY SAVES BARRY even though it was totally unnecessary, and Barry was into it. Cuties. I’m all for this.

I guess after he gets saved, Barry returns to CC Jitters to try for the 28147938479328^th time to talk to Iris.  Breathe. Be cool. Smile. Be clever. He steals her wallet. Oh, Barry, you gotta be the hero, don’t you?

The Westallen conversation starts off strong if we ignore the fact that he stole her wallet but quickly adorkably declines. In Barry’s favor, of course. It’s why we love him. #IcedTea

On all Earths and across all timelines, Barry is a CSI for CCPD. Interesting. We get another fun, nerdy surprise: Captain Julio Mendez is Barry’s boss in this life!  Alex Desert reprises his role from the original Flash series and joins John Wesley Shipp, Amanda Pays, Mark Hamill, and Vito D’Ambrosio in the Double-Flash Hall of Cameos. Has he taken Joe’s place as Joe’s black mentor? Possibly. Detective Joe West’s desk is empty. Oh no, his character has downgraded to a lazy, alcoholic, absentee father black stereotype. SOMEONE, HELP! THIS FLASHPOINT LIFE IS AWFUL! WHY DOESN’T BARRY SEE THAT?

Barry whooshes after work with a to-go bag of Big Belly Burger… to the place where he’s holding Eobard Thawne/Reverse Flash in captivity, presumably for the last three months. Confusingly, Barry travels through the Speed Force Tunnel to get to Eobard’s prison. Where/when is Eobard in jail?

It really is a reverse “It’s a Wonderful Life”: Barry taunts Eobard from outside his glass cage in a subversion of roles. I don’t like this… is Barry being the hero right now? Eobard warns him that this life is fiction and sooner or later, he’ll break out and destroy Barry’s happiness. Again. It’s what they do. “One day, soon, Barry, you’ll be begging me to kill her again.”

To Barry, that doesn’t seem likely. He heads to his picture perfect house where his parents immediately greet him with pet names we’ve heard pre-Flashpoint. The Allens are cute and graying and Barry smiles and I AM EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED. There’s a picture of Daddy Allen and Mommy Allen hugging Barry in his graduation cap. STEAL THAT PICTURE BEFORE YOU GO TO YOUR REAL LIFE, BARRY. So this is how Barry has been dealing with his recent orphan status: major denial. The denial-iest of all denials. He is literally living in an alternate universe where he refuses to move out of his parents house because they are his best friends who he tells all his secrets and wishes and desires to. No, Barry, no.

Speaking of Barry’s parental figures: Joe is passed out drunk in the middle of the day and painfully unaware that he’s about to be fired. Barry saves him(because that’s what he does) by speed-showering Joe West like a grown-ass baby. Joe is resentful and confused… and probably still drink. “Am I wearing a sign that says ‘HELP ME’?” Flashpoint!Joe is salty AF. He also does not approve of Westallen.

On their Westallen walk to their first Westallen date, my two cutie-pies stare and smile and strengthen their bond. They’re interrupted by Kid Flash v. Rival showdown and Iris is the one to make a quick getaway. I like this flip: usually Barry is the one who mysteriously mumble, “Uh I uh gotta go uh raincheck uh bye?”

Barry speeds over just in time to funnel-arm Wally West into a dumpster. Weird sentence, yes, but that’s what happened. Barry unmasks him, which makes me kinda mad because I doubt Barry would want someone else to de-mask him­ if he was the one unconscious in a dumpster.

Wally brings Barry back to his Flash HQ… it’s a loft. With a treadmill. Dayum. It turns out that Wally and Iris are a brother-sister crime fighting unit! I CHEERED REAL HARD Y’ALL.

Barry volunteers to help Wally beat Rival, but they need the help of Cisco Ramon, current CEO of Ramon Industries. Flashpoint!Cisco is the richest man in America, and he loves it.

Their. Faces. Watching. Cisco. Make. Out. Also, Barry’s face lit up when he saw Cisco for the first time in three month. LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE. Apparently, “Mr. Ramon” helped create Wally’s friction-resistant suit, but does not in any way shape or form want to help them beat bad guys. Because he wants to smash his gigantic girlfriend and make money instead. Barry “String Bean” Allen does that thing where he stares into your eyes and convinces you that life is worth living and giving:

Catalyzed by a moment of Feels, Barry experiences his second Memory Montage of the day. He angrily interrogates Eobard about the loss of his memories; Eobard tells him that a Flashpoint side-effect is forgetting his original life because it’s being overwritten by his current one. Eobard sounds like he’s done this before, just sayin’. “Why isn’t it happening to you?!?!” Barry screams at the Reverse Flash.

“YOUR SPEED! THE MORE YOU USE IT HAHAHA THE FASTER HAHAHA YOU LOSE YOUR MEMORIES AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA” –Eobard Thawne, basically

Barry’s mad. He screams and speeds out of there. Dammit.

Barry gathers up the team that he knows: he speed-kidnaps them all—despite knowing that he should really, really stop using his speed— and tells them about Flashpoint. Team Flash is back, baby! Kind of.

After about two minutes of working together, Dr. Caitlin Snow comes up with the idea to use the street-cameras as speedster alerts to measure high-velocities and Mr. Cisco Ramon reprograms them using her idea. KillerVibe is here and I thank god. Things are coming together. Most importantly, Iris instinctually knows that Barry is telling the truth.

Barry and Wally team up to face off against Rival… and I try not to dance around. Is this Season 3, you guys? I need this team up every week. EVERY. WEEK. I want Barry to give Wally advice to speed up. I want Wally to grow and learn and force Barry to reevaluate himself. I want the two of them to become the brothers that they were destined to be.

Wally’s superhero quips are straight fire. So so so good. Barry tells him that they should flank each other and stay in position. Wally didn’t even know “flanking” was a thing.

Wally doesn’t listen to Barry. He’s young and cocky… solo speedsters usually are. It does not end well. In fact, Kid Flash gets impaled and it’s terrible. WE JUST GOT HIM. DON’T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME.

Rival aka Edward Clariss taunts Barry, not realizing that he is the real fastest man alive. They run around and, I don’t know, punch eachother. This is so dumb. BARRY, STOP USING YOUR SPEED. More and more of Barry’s memories fade away.. Rival takes advantage of Barry’s distraction and creates a crazy speed twister. Barry is almost a goner, but then Iris West aka Barry’s Anchor reminds him that BARRY ALLEN IS THE MOTHAFUGGING FLASH.

Boom boom pow! Barry essentially becomes a speed tornado and cancels out Rival’s tornado. He knocks the bad speedster out with a sonic jump punch. Just as I wonder where they’re going to imprison Rival, Detective Joe West shoots Rival down just before the bad guy has a chance to stab Barry in the back. So there’s another character trait consistent across all timelines: Joe West is clutch as hell.

They take Wally back to S.T.A.R. Labs Ramon Industries, but he’s not speed-healing. Everyone is sad. “Everyone has been paying for my happiness,” Barry realized. He knows what he has to do. But, first, he needs to say goodbye.

I love love love that Barry asked Iris to come along with him as he did this. She will always support him. She will always be his anchor. Together, they go to Eobard Thawne to set him free. Eobard is the worst of the worst and makes Barry beg:

“I hate you.”

“I hate you. And I sometimes wonder which of us is right.”

He is such a good villain. Eobard isn’t as scary as Zoom, but he’s so much more interesting and complex. Flashpoint!Iris and Barry say there goodbyes. They kiss. We cry.

Before Eobard drags Barry’s weakening body back to the night of Nora Allen’s murder, he says, “Today, I get to be the hero.” Damn. This show. This gotdamb show.

So we’re back in the Season 2 Finale when that Barry stops that Reverse Flash from killing his mom. that Barry tells his mom “You’re safe,” but then the post-flashpoint Reverse Flash interrupts with a “Actually, you’re not. ” Then, Season 2 Finale Flash + Reverse Flash dissipate into thin air, while poor Nora Allen is like, “AM I SAFE OR WHAT?” Most stressful last moments of life EVER.

Now, I don’t know when Eobard found time to shave, but he did and shows off his smooth, hairless butt-chin as he drops Barry off at the West House scene from the season 2 finale. Eobard cryptically tells Barry that things are now back to normal(ish).. for him, anyway. Shit, what does that even mean?

Barry goes inside and hugs his little brother, Wally. Everyone is confused. And by “everyone” I just mean Joe and Wally. Where did the others go? Is there no more party?

Barry mentions Iris, and the Wests blow a fuse. “Iris” is their trigger word, apparently. Iris doesn’t talk to them. There’s been a Flashpoint ripple. WHAT DID REVERSE FLASH DO WHEN HE SHAVED HIS PRISONER BEARD?

End Tag: Edward Clariss gets woken up by a disembodied voice.

Super-Quick Things:

• Channel 52 News

• Eobard Thawne is… a voice of reason https://twitter.com/letsgetfree13/status/783465154327506948

• This Barisco moment: http://laurelance.tumblr.com/post/151362241330

• Caitlin as a pediatric ophthalmologist: https://www.instagram.com/p/BLLOtGLjS_f/?taken-by=flashbehindtheseams

• Same ol’ Cisco

http://dailycisco.tumblr.com/post/151362538298/115-301

GLAD TO BE BACK! It’s gonna be a good season.

“I ran back in time because Zoom and my dad and things and I got to live with my parents and it was all good but then it wasn’t so I came back but everything is different and I want everything to change back.” – Barry Allen during this week’s panicked voiceover

Barry flips his shit so hard that he flips it all the way to Star City. All over Felicity. Who, like us, is like, “You just, like, run back in time? All the time?”

I’m glad Barry is owning up to his mistakes. I mean, he’s not dealing with the repercussions of his choices very well, but he’s being held accountable to his actions. My man. Everyone’s man. Well… except new paradox!Cisco. Paradox!Cisco doesn’t want to name bad guys anymore. DUN DUN DUNNNNN.

Paradox!Cisco leaves the lab to “go to the gym” in a very subdued manner. Barry is confused. All of us are confused. Cisco + Gym = WHAAAA? Barry makes this joke and Caitlin shuts him down. Caitlin is overprotective and concerned for Cisco, yes, but is it the same, platonic concern from pre-Flashpoint? Or, according to the showrunners and San Diego Comic-Con, is this one of the ways the KillerVibe relationship that we’ve grown accustomed to has turned upside down?

With just the Wests in the Lab, Iris and Joe make excuse to get out of each other’s presence. Barry tries and fails to fix their relationship — while also trying to figure out WHY AREN’T THEY TALKING(?!?) — as Wally West watches his new hero from his chair in the corner. Can I just mention Wally’s transformation into the heart-eyes emoji whenever Barry is in the room? I am so ready for their team up.

Speaking of team ups: Tom Felton is officially on The Flash… AND HE IS STILL ENGLISH YES YES YES. Y’all don’t understand how relieved I am. Felton plays Julian Albert, CCPD’s Meta-Human CSI Specialist and Barry’s office mate. Apparently, they don’t get along. Because he doesn’t trust Barry, plain ol’ CSI. Which, to be honest, is justified. So I guess Barry can’t speed through his work anymore with Julian around.

You guys. It took so so so so much self-restraint to NOT reference Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy just now. So much self-control.

Almost just as much self restraint that Cisco used when Barry showed up to the gym to unknowingly crash Paradox!Cisco’s Grief Support Group meeting. Dante died. In a drunk driving accident. And Barry refused to go back in time to save him per paradox!Cisco’s request. And now their friendship isn’t the same. This is paradox hell.

Felicity synthesizes all of the new “resets” that we know about: Joe and Iris are fighting, Cisco’s brother is dead, Barry has a new CSI wizard officemate, Caitlin is a meta-human with ice powers but we don’t find out about that until later…

…and Team Arrow’s John Diggle has a son: John Diggle Jr.

THAT’S RIGHT. NO MORE BB SARA. LITTLE JOHN DIGG. WHY AM I IN CAPSLOCK? OH BECAUSE OF THIS CROSSOVER MOMENT:

This is when Felicity starts talking as fast as Barry. “Ohmygod so I guess you can change our TV show too omgomgomgomg.” Dammit, do I have to catch up with Arrow now? I’m not really on speaking terms with that show, at the moment.

Meanwhile on a very public bus, Ed Clariss keeps flash-visioning his alternate Flashpoint life as a speedster. It seems really, really inconvenient. They’re being brought on by, who I assume is this season’s Big Bad Villain, Alchemy. I don’t know how he does it, but he gives this paradox!Clariss superspeed so that he can officially become the Rival. Dammit, we just got rid of one black-suited speedster. I wonder, if we rank all of the speedsters from fastest to slowest, where would Rival fall?

So I guess in this life, only Julian Albert handles the meta-human cases… which must drive Barry crazy. He busts in on the latest meta-scene where Julian is already work and visibly annoyed by Barry’s arrival. He’s examining something Barry + the audience has never seen before: a husk. I missed this the first time… a “husk” is… I think a metahuman snakeskin? Basically. It’s weird and, if I didn’t love this show already, I’d yell “LAME” at my TV.

Also, I can’t fully explain what a “husk” is because Barry Allen is wearing sunglasses and I’m still getting re-acclimated to how much I love his face. I’m having a hard time focusing on plot while he’s rocking the white boy Ray Ban swagger.

Barry speed-steals a husk sample to bring back to the lab and complains to his BFFs (Cisco and Caitlin) about Tom Felton. I think I’ve watched this scene play out before… but in a hut on the edge of a Forbidden Forest. Cisco and Caitlin are, apparently, friends with Julian. Cisco is actually Team Julian. DAMMIT.

Before Cisco walks away from Barry, he makes sure Caitlin doesn’t need him. It’s more tender and touchy than I’m used to. Their voices are very hushed. “ARE THEY OR AREN’T THEY,” I yell to the (alternate) universe.

A bunch of whooshing papers later, Barry arranges a Family Dinner with Iris, Wally, Joe, Cisco, and Caitlin. He smiles contentedly as they eat Grandma Esther’s recipe for noodles. “This is nice. This is really nice,” Barry tells them. They all think he’s weird. Barry suggests they go on a Team Flash Retreat. They all think he’s really, really weird. Except Wally because Wally is DOWN FOR WHATEVER BARRY WANTS. Don’t think I didn’t notice Wally West sitting to the right of Barry. Wally is Barry’s right hand man, baby! Suspiciously, Wally is the only one to not speed off when all of the team’s cell phones alert them to a speedster at the Central City boardwalk. That’s good, because Clariss/Rival would recognize Wally as Kid Flash but also because someone needs to clean up that disaster of a Flash Family Dinner.

The Rival’s speed lightning is red as they race around the city. Barry was surprised to see him… so the Speedforce allows speedsters to see alternate timelines? Or was that Alchemy’s doing?

Iris calls Barry out for being weird AF, so Barry tries to reset the timeline again. No, Barry, no. Just when I think he’s going to be eaten by a Time Wraith, Earth-3 Jay Garrick aka The Flash pulls Barry’s dumbass out of the Speedforce tunnel and takes him to get coffee in 1998.

They greet each other like Doctors or bus drivers or Ferrari owners. The Flashes sit down and talk about Barry’s foolishness while Dawson’s Creek plays on the TV. Judging by Dawson’s hair, it’s an early episode from season one… possible episode four when Dawson learns that his mom is cheating on his dad. Guess who Dawson’s dad is? John Wesley Shipp. THIS EPISODE WAS MADE FOR ME.

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, graying veteran Flash Jay Garrick teaches Barry Allen some stuff and some thangs about speed-time travel. It’s what I always wanted: Golden Age Flash mentoring Silver Age Flash. He even uses a coffee cup as a metaphor for Resetting Timelines instead of that damn impractical glassboard. The lesson is this: trying to reset a broken cup still results in cracks because despite how well you match up the broken piece, it’ll never be the same as it was before. Damn, that’s deep.

Also, Harry told Jay about Barry, so that’s why Jay is keeping an eye on him. I want to cry.

“I’m not some doctor with a theory, Barry. I’m a speedster, like you, who’s traveled in time and has made these same mistakes that you are making right now.” –Jay Garrick

I could quote Flash-Jay Garrick all day. He tells Barry that they are not gods but men who have been given extraordinary abilities. He challenges Barry to evaluate his decisions and his responses to his mistakes and move forward. Move forward, Barry. No more do-overs, please, even if that means sad-Cisco.

Barry tells the truth to the team. The team doesn’t know how to respond… me neither. Barry offers to tell them their differences, if they ask. That’s a bad idea. Luckily, they are all smart enough to abstain from that information. Cisco deals with the information the worst. He yells at Barry’s hypocrisy, but Barry stays firm in his decision to not go back. Thankfully.

Barry falls into a trap and ends up double-teamed by Rival AND Alchemy at a sawmill. Like, really Barry? A sawmill trap again? I’m legitimately trying to listen to Alchemy’s accent… is it an English accent? I hope not.

Team Flash rises up out of their paradox slump of sadness to pull together and back Barry up. Which is good, because he’s about to get impaled. Cisco shows up, still subdued, but geared in Vibe glasses and vibe gloves. I SEE YOU, ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. I mean, I also see that Dante Ramon was fridged so that Cisco could step up into more than an in-lab sidekick and become his own hero…. Mhmmm.

So that’s it: this is our world now. I will stop referring them as paradox versions of these character because THIS IS THEM NOW. Oh man. What a genius move, to rewrite the canon of the show so that Season 3 is still new and fresh.

At S.T.A.R. Labs, the team have a lively discussion rehashing the Rival/Alchemy fight. My bad, “DOCTOR ALCHEMY.” Oh, yeah, I noticed Cisco and Caitlin flirting. Cisco’s spark is back! Barry predicts that everyone from the Flashpoint world who had powers will regain them in this life. Barry stares at Wally for, like, 30 seconds after he says this.

At the office, Tom Felton calls Barry out for stealing a piece of evidence. He doesn’t trust him. Just once, I want Tom Felton to join the team and be friends and not make bad choice. JUST ONCE PLEASE.

We end the episode on the West Family Porch because Barry and Iris will always find each other… across all timelines and multiverses and earths. They fulfill the kiss that was previously erased, but this time, they’re both on the same page and ready. They are ready to move forward.

After more than a year off the air, AMC’s dystopian martial arts epic Into the Badlands has finally returned! And with it, so have these NOC Recaps. Speaking of which, I’m going to try to title each recap with a line from Hamilton because 1.) seriously, have you met me?; and 2.) the Badlands writers have basically challenged me as much. So, appropriately enough, the Season Two premiere is named after a lyric from “Yorktown.”

Like the Sons of Liberty in Hamilton, all of our Badlands protagonists (and antagonists) start the second season in a much different place than before. Sunny, having finally escaped the Badlands last season now finds himself in a post-apocalyptic gem mine; M.K. is exiled to the mountains of K’un Lun to train as the next Iron Fist; and Jade and Ryder have ascended to Barondom. The only ones who are basically the same? Widow, Tilda, and the Butterflies are still murking dudes left and right until the Badlands are free.

We also meet a couple of new characters who look to be significant additions to the series. First, we meet Bajie, played by Shaun of the Dead alum Nick Frost. And if you’ve forgotten that Into the Badlands is inspired by Journey to the West, the character is a reference to another one of the immortals: Zhu Bajie.

Anyway, the beginning of the show sets him up to be Sam Tarly to Sunny’s Jon Snow, but by episode’s end, he’s definitely more Olly betraying our hero.

Before that, though, we’re treated to a glorious opening fight sequence not five minutes into the episode. And suddenly, we remember what it feels like to watch a martial arts action show that actually features people who know how to do martial arts!

The other amazing new character we meet this episode is referred to as, simply, The Master. After being abducted (rescued?) by the Dark Monks in last season’s finale, we learn M.K. has been honing his abilities with others who are special like him. Like another whiny Jedi-in-training, M.K. is upset that he hasn’t met the Master and is basically a brat the entire time. (The more things change…)

Later, he comes face to face with a female monk… who knocks him across the room. With a broom. Yes, this is the Master! And she’s played by Doctor Who’s Chipo Chung, a Blasian Woman!

Also Marvel? THIS IS HOW YOU DO THE ANCIENT ONE WITHOUT WHITEWASHING!!!

To prove her badass bona fides, The Master is able to withstand M.K.’s blows when he Super Saiyans, but not without cost. After imparting some wisdom on him, M.K. leaves humbled (hopefully), but she isn’t invulnerable. Blocking M.K.’s punch has broken her arm. We know because WE SEE THE BROKEN BONE!

Back in the Badlands, we find Jade and Ryder are settling in at Jacobee’s oil refinery. Ryder isn’t as comfortable in his new role as Baron-in-Chief, especially with an economy in freefall, but Jade tries to reassure him. We learn that The Widow has been missing for months. So guess who shows up to spray Clipper blood everywhere?

If you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned Veil, we don’t actually see her until the show’s final moments. (Sunny’s fever dream earlier in the episode doesn’t count). It’s been six months since the finale, so Veil is in the middle of delivering her baby when we find her. And you’ll never believe who the midwife is!

But you’re supposed to be dead!

All in all, the return of Into the Badlands could not have come at a better time. The same weekend we were reminded that Hollywood hates Asian American actors and POC audiences, here comes Daniel Wu to save the day. We even kicked off the festivities on Friday night with a live binge tweet of Season One, which saw the show’s cast and crew join in and get #NOCBadlands trending.

Oh, and Hollywood:

AMC’s Into the Badlands might have gotten a ten-episode second season (up four episodes from season one), but there’s no slowing down narratively. Episode 2 — which is actually chapter 8, proving just how propulsive the story of the Badlands is — wastes no time getting Sunny out of the mines, after a pretty awesome, and gruesome, fight scene to open the show. I would put the rest of the episode into three distinct buckets, that just so happen to coincide with a line from Hamilton‘s “My Shot.” And yes, I’m keeping up these #IntoTheHamLands recap titles all season!

The Young

There is clearly a generational divide among the key players on the series. Let’s focus on the kids first.

M.K. remains in the mountains to find — and fight — himself under the tutelage of The Master. Also, shout out to the producers for the Enter the Dragon homage during M.K.’s ayahuasca session with The Master.

M.K.’s session doesn’t go well as he sees visions of the bodies left behind in his wake, as well as a dark doppelganger of himself. The Master snaps him out of his vision, unsure if he is ready for the burden of being special.

Back at the Butterlfy stronghold, Tilda receives a lesson on how to be an effective regent from Waldo. Lesson #1: don’t slaughter a bunch of people without permission from your Baron/mother. Lesson #2: repress your emotions. Waldo laments Sunny’s inability to lock away his feelings — basically subtweeting Veil — and wonders aloud if his former padawan is even alive. Similarly, Tilda openly misses M.K., and it’s clear she’s going to ignore Waldo’s second lesson too.

At the Fort, Ryder is still trying to prove to himself that he is a Baron — or is that BAE-ron? — worth following. We know this because he freaks out when his mother, Lydia returning from exile for a brief moment, asks him for Clipper protection for her father’s religious commune (more on that in a minute). While he seemed genuinely pleased to see his mother again, the moment she reminds him how hard it is to be baron, Ryder throws her out and refuses her request for protection.

Finally, we’re formally introduced to the youngest member of the Badlands family, Veil and Sunny’s infant son Henry.

After last week’s shocking cliffhanger, we learn more about Veil’s current predicament. First of all, it wasn’t a mass hallucination: Quinn is back! Turns out, Veil found Quinn’s impaled body from the season one finale and nursed him back to health. For some reason? In return, Quinn helped deliver the baby and is keeping Veil under his “protection.”

In some sort of underground bunker, Quinn is plotting his return to power with a consolidated Clipper force but not before some weird ass naming ritual in which he smears deer blood on baby Henry’s forehead.

It’s also pretty obvious, and creepy, that Quinn is positioning himself as Henry’s surrogate father, even naming him “heir” to the Badlands, eliciting an epic side-eye gif from Veil.

The Scrappy

It would probably be safe to assume that each one of the characters on this show could fall into the scrappy category. None more so than Sunny himself.

In the cold open, Sunny finds himself chained to the guy who sold him out last week. Turns out the mining supervisor isn’t a fan of rats. Baije convinces Sunny not to kill him, but it doesn’t matter because a giant named Mouse is sent out to kill the both of them. Fortunately for our heroes, Sunny makes like Luke Skywalker in the Rancor pit and gets the better of the beast, ultimately tossing him into a giant exhaust fan.

Meanwhile, former Baronness Lydia is in attendance at a wedding for two disciples at her father’s spiritual compound. Sadly for the newlyweds, the band starts playing “The Rains of Castamere” as a pair of nomads crash the party and turn the event into its own Red Wedding.

Lydia is no Catlyn Stark however, and fights back against the nomads as the rest of the party, including Father Lance Hendriksen, passively watches. She expertly slits her attacker’s throat and is drenched in his blood. This is why she came to seek her son’s help. We already know how that went down.

Scrappy little M.K. decides to overcome his nightmarish visions and asks The Master to allow him to return to his vision. Instead of running from his twin self, the two engage in one of the more impressive fight scenes of the series thus far.

I’m still not entirely sold on M.K.’s Chosen One storyline, but I’m here for more scenes with Chipo Chung’s Master, so…

The Hungry

Did anyone else think it was neat that Baije — who initially ratted out Sunny as a Clipper before becoming his unwitting sidekick — found, killed, cooked, and ate a rat? Just me?

If Baije’s play on ratatouille didn’t whet your appetite for gamey delicacies, Quinn’s Clippers-in-training brought a giant, slaughtered deer into his underground compound. Instead of eating it, though, Quinn used the deer’s antler to punish one of his minions for ogling Veil, as well as for the aforementioned creepy naming ritual for Baby Henry.

The only thing Veil is hungry for is to venture outside. She’s hungry for sunlight, which really means she wants to escape and find Sunny. Quinn, though, does the next best thing, and stuffs Veil and Henry into a different corner of the bunker that happens to have a hole in the ceiling. Baby steps, I guess.

You know who the audience was hungry for? Emily Beechum’s Widow! Criminally, the Widow doesn’t appear until the last segment of the show. She’s sparring with Tilda while Waldo is advising her from the bourbon cart. It seems that the other barons are looking to negotiate the new world order and have issued a conclave.

It’s almost certainly a trap to set her up, which means a bunch of dudes are about to get murdered next episode! Evan Waldo can toast to that!

The episode ends with Baije and Sunny finally trekking all the way across Ireland the outer lands to the edge of the Badlands. Unbeknownst to Sunny, Baron Drumpf has erected a big, beautiful wall across the Badlands’ southern(?) border. It’s unclear at this point whether the outer lands actually paid for its construction.

In my quest to title each Into the Badlands recap after lyrics from a Hamilton song, the writers did me a solid by letting Nathaniel Moon, played by veteran actor Sherman Augustus, say a line from the classic George Washington showstopper:

Oddly enough, “One Last Time” was an inspired choice to describe the episode “Silver Moon, Red Sun” because each of the main characters of the show needs to learn how to say goodbye, in more ways than one. M.K. is plotting to escape the monastery, Veil is scheming to escape Quinn’s bunker, and Widow is prepared to hand leadership of the Butterflies over to Tilda if the Baron Conclave goes south. Still, something keeps tethering each of these characters in place.

Let’s start with our hero Sunny who opens the episode offering up some free advice to his chatty companion Baije.

Seriously, these Badlands writers are starting to make the #IntoTheHamLands entries too easy. After encountering The Great Wall of Trumpistan last episode, Sunny and Baije have to find an alternate route back to the Badlands. Baije insists he knows a smuggler who can get them through the wall when they happen upon a bridge and its protector. Even though the previews made it seem like the showdown between Sunny and this mysterious warrior would take place here, the rivals team up to take down a gang of bounty hunters instead.

After dismembering all of their attackers, Sunny and Baije seek shelter with their newfound companion. During a moment alone in the shade, they learn that he is also a former Clipper after spotting a portion of his 999 kill tattoos. This will be significant later.

Meanwhile in K’un Lun, M.K.’s adventure in the Mirror Room hasn’t made him feel any better about his situation. In fact, he’s more determined than ever to leave and find his mother. The desire to reunite with loved ones seems to be another overarching theme to season two.

Unfortunately for M.K., The Master isn’t keen on letting him leave before his training is finished. Remember what happened to Luke when he left Dagobah too early? The Master is trying to impart the same kind of wisdom to M.K., though it falls on deaf ears. Guess they don’t have Empire Strikes Back in the future.

In the Butterfly sanctuary, Waldo and Widow are having a strategy session in preparation for the upcoming conclave. Tilda is ready to accompany her mother as Regent, but is informed that Waldo will be going in her stead. It may seem like Waldo is teaching Tilda a lesson on how to be a good regent, but it feels like a power play on his part. Tilda probably feels the same. We’ll see how that plays out. In the meantime, how gorgeous are the sets on the show this season?

When we last left Veil and baby Henry, Quinn was engaging in some weird ass naming ritual and basically adopting Sunny’s baby as his own heir. He’s even singing lullabies and reading fairy tales to the baby when Veil comes in to perform a cat scan on Quinn. In case you forgot, before Quinn was impaled on Sunny’s sword, the thing that was going to kill him last season was a massive brain tumor. Apparently, Veil didn’t only nurse him back from sword wounds, she miraculously cured his tumor too. Or so he thinks.

The truth is that Quinn’s tumor is actually spreading. Veil is somehow masking his symptoms, which is likely due to the “medicine” she has him drink, and hiding away any evidence to the contrary. We all know it’s only a matter of time before Quinn finds out and there will be hell to pay. Hopefully, that will be long after Veil and Henry have made their escape, preferably through a southbound tunnel.

Back in the outer territories, Sunny and Baije have taken up shelter under the ex-Clipper’s own vine and fig tree. After a shave and a haircut, Sunny learns more about his new friend. He’s not any ordinary Clipper, but a legend known as the Silver Moon, one of the deadliest killers in all of the Badlands. Then, after 45 years of his life dedicated to his Baron’s service with an upright zeal, he left and was never heard from again. Moon, like Sunny, was a killing machine who got tired of killing and found a family. Sadly, there is no happily ever after for a Clipper, and Moon’s family paid the ultimate price.

Moon warns Sunny that if he continues to reunite with Veil and his son, they will suffer a similar fate. This echoes the earlier scene between M.K. and The Master wherein the wiser, more experienced elder warns our heroes of the danger of seeking out their loved ones. They want to talk about what they have learned, the hard-won wisdom they have earned even if no one wants to listen. Speaking of not listening, M.K.’s stubbornness continues to get him in trouble as he snoops around the monastery and finds out what happens to kids who try to run away.

It seems that the monks also rely on old technology and bring the runaway — who we learn is M.K.’s hammock-mate Tate — into some sort of lab where they strap him to a gurney and proceed to, I don’t know exactly? Like, use hi-tech acupuncture to remove his abilities? Either way, Tate is definitely getting tortured, though Jordan Bolger’s bare chest gained him an awful lot of new fans on twitter.

Before M.K. gets caught, he, well, actually gets caught by fellow novice Ava. M.K. basically flirts his way out of it, asking her to escape with him. Let’s say she does. What do you all think Tilda is going to do to her when she finds them?

Finally, the episode ends with a beautifully choreographed sword fight between Sun and Moon. Sure, Nathaniel has been nice to Sunny and Baije and had promised he wasn’t after the bounty on their heads. Instead, what Moon wanted more than anything was to battle a worthy opponent. Though it’s clear Sunny doesn’t want to fight, the two take up swords. I’ll let this tweet thread by author Michi Trota explain what was so great about this scene:

Fortunately, both Sunny and Moon survive this encounter, but I was hoping Moon would emerge from the episode as a partner than as an adversary. We’ll see when Moon returns. Because Moon is definitely returning.

Once again, we’vre venturing back Into the Badlands as we finally get to see the much anticipated Baron Conclave. Last week, if you recall, we saw Minerva and Waldo arrive at Ryder’s estate to take part in the gathering. Basically, this is when all of the barons in the Badlands come together to sign agreements and hash out differences — without swords. Mostly. This particular conclave has been convened to vote on whether the Widow is allowed to even be a baron. Debates ensue, and all I can think of are the lyrics for both “Cabinet Battle” tracks from Hamilton.

Before we get back to politics though, there’s a little cocktail party for the Barons and their Regents. As always, The Widow makes her grand entrance. As she scans the room, we get our first glance at the rest of the Badlands’ barons. It’s weird seeing The Widow hobnobbing with the people she despises. She may want bold strokes, but Waldo has advised her to convince more folks.

One of those barons she needs to convince is a character I’ve been waiting to meet all season: Eleanor Matsuura’s Baron Chau. And she does not disappoint! Minerva and Chau banter a bit before getting down to brass tacks. If Widow has any hope of getting out of the situation alive, she’s going to need Chau on her side. We also learn that these invited guests aren’t the only attendees. Turns out one of the Cogs serving the establishment is none other than Quinn acolyte Gabriel — the one who actually cut Quinn, after much provoking, last episode. More on that in a minute.

Speaking of Quinn, back at the underground bunker, his men are preparing for battle — no doubt an attack on the conclave — when Veil requests that she and the baby be allowed the keys to the sun ventilation room while they’re gone. He doesn’t say no, but he doesn’t hand over the keys either. Instead, Edgar is going to stay behind and babysit. Before leaving, Quinn gives Henry an armadillo ring meant for Ryder, solidifying the baby as his true heir, much to Veil’s chagrin.

You know, I feel bad for Edgar. He seems like a really nice guy, making Veil breakfast and everything. They even had a connection last week when she tended to his wounds. But Veil is determined to escape, and who can blame her? Her first attempt finds Veil being let into the vent room to give the baby milk and sunshine. Once inside, and with the door firmly locked, she unVeils a grappling hook! And proceeds to climb toward freedom with the baby strapped to her side.

She gets halfway up the wall when Edgar comes back to check on them. Rather than risk exposure, Veil gives up for now. But she doesn’t give up her quest to escape. Later in the episode, she roofies Edgar and tries to escape through the one tunnel that seemingly leads to the outside world. Of course the exit is chained off and once again she has no way out. To make matters worse, Edgar wakes up and is pissed. After a struggle, Veil kills Edgar and steals his keys. Unfortunately, the key breaks off inside the lock leaving Veil and baby, both drenched in blood, stranded with Edgar’s dead body.

Meanwhile, M.K. is still sneaking around the monastery when he happens across The Master’s magical origami.

He finds the flower that enduces visions and ventures back in to the dream world to locate his mother and confront his dark doppelgänger. After doing both, and getting a swift kick from his evil twin, M.K. is left unconscious in the Enter the Dragon room. And that’s what you missed this week with M.K.! 

But nevermind all that. This episode was all about the conclave. Before the fateful vote, Widow and Chau have one last meeting to decide whether they will align or not. The biggest barrier, it seems, is Minerva’s desire to free the Cogs. After being subjected to a civics lesson from a slaver, Widow has to decide if she is willing to compromise her principles to win favor from her peers. We also learn some of her backstory as well — as a child, she was actually one of Chau’s Cogs who has since ascended to barondom.

To win Chau’s vote, The Widow has to promise to stop providing sanctuary for Cogs. At this point the audience — or the Widow for that matter — is unaware of Chau’s honesty, so we take her for her word. Soon Widow and Waldo are brought before the other barons to plead their case, even making a compromise about cogs. The presiding baron even does his best George Washington and presents “the issue on the table.” Ryder does some trash talking and reminds the others that Widow’s title is illegitimate because she’s only a baron because she murdered her husband for the title. He also reminds them of how she plotted with him to take down Quinn last season. Clearly she isn’t to be trusted and should be stripped of her title — and her lands.

After both arguments are presented, the barons proceed to vote by lighting either a butterfly blue or armadillo red candle. Even in the Badlands, they’re divided into blue and red states! Down the line, each baron lights the candle in favor of Ryder. When we get to Chau, we see where her loyalty truly lies as she lights the red candle too. The Widow responds by telling the conclave that they must be out of their goddamn minds if they think she’s going to go down without a fight. Everyone pulls out their weapons when black-clad clippers descend on to the property. Quinn and his minions have returned and are here to take out the barons. How’d they know this plan would work? They had a spy on the inside. That’s right: Hercules Gabriel!

Understandably, the barons are shocked to see Quinn enter the courtyard. He makes a comment about his son — something about knowing nothing of loyalty. How he smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty. Ryder reacts thusly:

A melee ensues as clippers battle regents battle cogs battle barons. The highlight, of course, is Widow and Chau finally coming to stiletto blows. Even Tilda shows up after Odessa basically goads her into disobeying her mother and attending the conclave anyway. It’s a good thing she does because her arrival turns the tide for Waldo and Widow. It makes me wonder why Tilda even brings the thunder.

Unfortunately for Ryder, he can’t run fast enough and is confronted by Quinn in the garden. It turns out Quinn isn’t there to kill Ryder. In fact, he even offers his blade to his son and asks him to take his life and take his rightful place as his heir. If you remember, this is essentially the same challenge Quinn offered Gabriel. Ryder, though, isn’t Gabriel and fails to end his father’s life.

Quinn doesn’t hesitate and drives his broken blade deep into Ryder’s chest. He seems angrier at the fact that Ryder hesitated than at the fact that he just murdered his own son. Though to be fair, Quinn was pretty dead to rights at the end of a blade last season and we saw how that turned out. Maybe Ryder can have similar luck? In either case, things just got way messier in the Badlands.

Also, if you didn’t notice, this whole episode was Sunny-less. What does that mean? I guess nothing exciting happened after he defeated Silver Moon last week?

Hey, and if ya don’t know, now ya know.

Another week, another Into the Badlands recap that takes its cue from a Hamilton song. While it’s pretty obvious that I’m quoting Lin-Manuel’s soliloquy from the end of “The World Was Wide Enough” — fittingly about the lead-up and aftermath of a duel not unlike what Quinn and Ryder did last week — this week’s subtitle has as much to do with #GhostRyder as it does with the return of Sunny and Bajie who are just on the other side of the Badlands as well. And speaking of “other sides,” we see some characters aligning with other sides too. But really, it’s all about Quinn’s son on the other side.

That’s right. Not only is Ryder officially dead, he’s now haunting his father. Or is he? Throughout the episode, Quinn is visited by visions of his deceased son that are basically manifestations of Quinn’s tumor-addled brain. Ghost Ryder also represents things Quinn probably suspects about Veil, including the fact that she despises him and is going to bounce the second the door from the bunker is open.

Speaking of Veil, the aftermath of her encounter with Edgar isn’t ignored. In fact, Quinn’s Right Hand Man Declan not only knows about her botched attempt to escape, he also knows about Chekhov’s X-ray and Quinn’s tumor! Amazingly, Declan does not exploit this knowledge but uses it as leverage to keep Veil docile. Not sure how smart a plan that is, but then again, I’m not sure how smart a dude Declan is either.

Meanwhile, after taking an episode off, we are reunited with Sunny and Bajie (who’s still talking) as they enter upon Nos’ little kingdom on the other side of the Badlands. Remember Nos was the contact Bajie said could grant them passage into the Badlands in exchange for Silver Moon’s sword. Turns out Nos is a garbage human being that traffics in women and girls as much (if not more so) than scrap metal.

Of course, our hero isn’t going to be able to look the other way, as much as he may want to stay out of everyone’s business. Sure enough, when a Doll named Portia begs Sunny to free her and her daughter, Nos responds by assaulting and threatening them. Sunny will have none of this, even after they’ve made the transaction for the “shortcut,” which is basically a car straight out of Mad Max: Fury Road.

Before they make their leave, though, Sunny makes mince meat out of Nos’ goons. While Baije scoops up Portia and her daughter into the car and speeds away. Clearly Nos will not make an orphan out of Portia’s daughter.

Before the melee, Sunny learns of Quinn’s miraculous resurrection — just in time for the Easter episode, natch. This just steels Sunny to find Veil knowing that she probably isn’t as safe as he was telling himself. On the plus side? Sunny is still unaware of Veil’s unholy alliance with Quinn. At one point, egged on by Ghost Ryder, an increasingly unstable Quinn holds a knife to Henry’s tiny throat, and the only way Veil can get them out of this situation is to start making out with him. It’s as gross as it sounds.

Speaking of unexpected alliances — yes, the Badlands is basically Survivor now — it seems that Jade, who’s now Baron, is allying her self with Lydia to take out Quinn.

After grieving for Ryder — near the same spot her son died — Lydia leads a cadre of Clippers to Quinn’s hideout. Apparently, the underground bunker isn’t as secret as we thought since Lydia is basically “Quinn’s just hiding in his man cave.” You know it’s about to go down until…

As the horde of Clippers enter one of the tunnels, they must have tripped a booby trap as explosions rock through the bunker, taking out a number of Clippers. The explosion must have ripped a hole in the wall because in the next scene we see Veil, with baby in hand, running away as fast as she can.

Also running? M.K. wastes no time sneaking away from the monastery. After making his way through the woods, he happens upon a tree adorned with the decaying bodies of — other runaways? Disloyal abbots? Who knows. One of the corpses happens to be M.K.’s size, so now he has a new wardrobe.

Finally, we find the Widow back at home nursing her wounds from the disastrous Baron Conclave. After what happened last week, it seems that Waldo is on the outs as Widow once again confides in to Tilda and thanks her for saving their skins. She also no longer wants to heed Waldo’s advice to “play nice” with the other Barons. Instead, the ace up her sleeve is to form an alliance that no one, including the audience, could see coming. Namely, she’s also going to the “other side” and is teaming up with Quinn. Wha….?

Despite my better judgement, I went with a Hamilton pun this week rather than straight up lyrics from the show. Couldn’t help it. The fight scene between the Abbots and Sunny’s old and new sidekicks — juxtaposed against a Christmas-y backdrop, no less — was a highlight! Before settling on “A Winter’s Ball” wordplay, the other obvious number to reference was Jasmine Cephas-Jones’ showstopper “Say No to This,” thanks to twitter user @Bespectacled_Cy!

We’ll get back to #TilDessa in a minute, but the lyrics of “Say No to This” do resonate with several moments of this episode. Let’s start at the top.

After last week’s explosive conclusion in which Lydia’s Clipper Army gets blown up by Quinn’s booby traps, we open on the aftermath. Lydia survived the blast but most of her men did not. The ones that made it promptly get their throats slashed by Quinn.

Instead of murdering his ex, though, he decides to abduct her and keep her hostage inside his bunker, essentially trading Veil for Lydia.

Speaking of Veil, our favorite doctor–mom seems to have gotten away scott free. Sure, Quinn’s minions (Quinions?) are sniffing around, but Veil is able to sneak behind a tree like a hobbit hiding from a Ringwraith before she’s rescued by runaway cogs.

Sunny and Bajie, meanwhile, drive their Drednok Thunder Machine to the home of a mysterious healer named Doc Cloud, hoping that he can save Portia’s life. If you recall, she was stabbed by Nos as they escaped the scrapyard last week. When Cloud sees Portia, he immediately helps — after initial reluctance — and ends up saving her life. Sunny is racked with guilt, but Cloud doesn’t take the bait. There are no good guys in the Badlands, after all.

(I may have missed some details because I spent most of this scene tweeting about my favorite G.I. Joe toys).

Back at the bunker, Quinn is just as creepy with Lydia as he was with Veil, if not more so. Former husband and wife (was the divorce official?) trade barbs before literally trading barbs when Quinn offers Lydia the same opportunity to stab him that he gave Ryder.

Unlike their son, Lydia ain’t no punk and tries to plunge the knife into Quinn’s chest. He was ready for it, though, and stops her before doing any real damage. He bleeds. They make it out. It was gross.

The creepiest makeout scene of the season is soon followed by one of the sweetest and most surprising.

At the Butterfly sanctuary, Tilda is alone with ex-Doll Odessa. Even though The Widow saved her, Odessa is having a hard time morphing into a full fledged Butterfly, especially because of Minerva’s plans to align with Quinn. Because Odessa has sense, she tells Tilda that it’s a bad idea and questions her loyalty to her “mother.” This is where we finally learn Tilda’s backstory: she was a cog who was repeatedly raped and assaulted by Minerva’s baron husband. The Widow does what she does now to atone for not coming to Tilda’s aid sooner.

After learning this, Odessa agrees to stay… (Hey!) for Tilda.

For a show that is doing so much to shatter stereotypes and promote representation, it was such a relief to finally see queer representation on screen! Here’s hoping the show keeps up the good work and avoids one of the tropiest tropes to ever trope and ensures Odessa is around for a long time. Or, at least makes it to next season. Oh, and by the way, there’s totally going to be a next season!

Waldo interrupts this new love connection and seems displeased. In mentoring Tilda, he’s been telling her that one cannot have attachments if they are to survive in the Badlands. Sunny didn’t heed Waldo’s advice either and now no one knows where he is. And as if on cue, a truck carrying Veil and Henry arrive at the Sanctuary.

For a hot second, I was relieved that Veil’s presence at the Butterfly Sanctuary would mean Widow would abandon her ill-conceived idea to form an alliance with Quinn. I got my hopes up even higher when Veil finally had her audience with Widow and Waldo. They assured her that she had finally found a safe place, far away from Quinn. That said, the Widow will only see to Veil’s safety at a cost. To prove that the writers have not forgotten about Azra, Widow reveals the mysterious book from season one. As long as Veil can translate its mysterious contents, she’ll be safe with the Butterflies.

Speaking of Azra, M.K. is still wandering the woods after escaping from the monastery last week. After stealing from someone’s garden, M.K. accidentally cuts himself and is about to Hulk out on a would-be attacker when… he doesn’t? Fortunately, Ava is there to save the day, but now we know M.K. can no longer go Super Saiyan when he bleeds. Weird.

Later, the kids happen upon an abandoned Christmas store? A ski lodge? A Winter Wonderland? Wherever they are, we are reminded that Badlands really does take place in a post-apocalyptic future version of our own world. He even finds an ancient copy of Wired featuring the city of Azra on the cover. Curiouser and curiouser.

By the way, I actually loved the juxtaposition of the show’s fantastical elements being surrounded by the recognizable holiday decorations. Also, Christmas lights in the background is Gough/Millar’s signature move.

As you can see from the image above, Ava wasn’t the only one tracking M.K.’s whereabouts. The Abbots have a device that can locate anyone with “the gift,” and they’ve been on M.K.’s scent ever since he escaped. Except when they weren’t. Before arriving at the Christmas place, Cung Le and the Abbots were hot on the heels of… Baije? Wha?

Apparently, Baije has been holding out on us all this time. Though come to think of it, he has shown an uncanny knack to be there for Sunny at the right time every time. The Abbots proximity to Baije and Sunny means that they aren’t too far away from the kids either. You know what that means! Batman gets his Robin back!

And Baije finally shows off his abilities too before we’re all treated to the Daniel Wu/Cung Le rematch we’ve been waiting for since last season.

And while Sunny gets the upper hand — and half of Cung Le’s face — his victory came at a cost. Somehow before his death, the Abbot landed a magical blow to Sunny that leaves him in bad shape at episode’s end.

But let’s not forget the Butterflies and why I’m not happy with the Widow. After her deal with Veil, the Widow gets a message to Quinn to meet her. Alone and unarmed.

Of course, because he’s Quinn, he neither comes alone nor unarmed. But instead of eliminating him once and for all, Widow moves forward with her plan to be his ally.

Even worse? She turns Veil over and gives her back to Quinn. WTF?! So much for Widow believing they will never be free until those in bondage have the same rights as you and me. Hopefully, this is all one big swerve and Veil will be safe next week.

Apologies for the delay in getting this weeks Badlands recap out¹. I know how much you anticipate my weekly Hamilton references! It was probably a good thing that I didn’t watch this episode live though. Not sure I would’ve been able to sleep had I seen Artemis haunt my television right before going to bed!

The episode, titled “Black Heart, White Mountain,” picks up moments after last week’s climatic battle between Sunny and Cung Le (who I learned is named Cyan). If you recall, Sunny prevailed by slicing Cyan’s face in half, but not before suffering a seemingly fatal blow from the mystical abbot that renders him motionless on the ground.

We open with Sunny still knocked out and his sidekicks at a loss. Before we find out what happens, we’re sent inside Sunny’s head and see…. his life flash before his eyes? A vision of the future? An alternate reality? Either way, we are decidedly not in the Badlands but thrust Into the Woods (another Broadway reference!). But instead of a witch or a cow as white as snow, Sunny wakes up to see Veil and a small boy named Henry greet him. Wait he knows about Henry? What did Cyan do to him?

And speaking of the woods, there’s a creepy ass girl staring at them outside the window. Man, I didn’t sign up to recap a Japanese ghost movie.

Turns out the abbot hit Sunny with a special technique called the “Hand of the Five Poisons” — which is, no doubt, a not so subtle nod to the classic Shaw Bros. flick Five Deadly Venoms, natch.

Bajie tells M.K. that Sunny’s situation is helpless. There’s no cure for the Hand of the Five Poisons, and even if there were, it would be back at the monastery and there is no way Bajie is returning back there. Sunny, meanwhile, is on the set of Asian American Gothic. Farmer Sunny and Henry are having some quality father/son bonding time when creepy ass ghost girl shows up again. Even worse, Veil warns Sunny that something has happened to their pigs. And wouldn’t you know, it’s also creepy as hell too. (Fortunately, no actual pigs were harmed in the making of this episode.)

Sunny tells his son that a wolf must have gotten into the sty (nevermind the fact that the Exorcist pigs have bloody crosses cut into their sides). Before dinner, Sunny finds Henry in his room with mysterious cuts in his hand and Silver Moon’s sword under his bed. It looks like Farmer Sunny is going to need a reckoning with his Clipper self before he can wake up from this dream nightmare.

Back in the real world, M.K. has somehow convinced Bajie to go back to the monastery to find the cure for the Hand of the Five Poisons — something to do with Sunny being M.K.’s only “family.” Fittingly, they’re driving in the Thunder Machine when he reveals his Fast & Furious reason for wanting to help Sunny. We also get a little Bajie backstory when we learn of his reason for leaving the Master.

When he was still an Abbot, he was on a mission to save some people from Nomads when his protege, a 12-year old girl named Flea, was laughed at and humiliated. So she deliberately cut herself and went Saiyan on everyone and everybody, including the folks they were charged with saving. The Master wasn’t pleased and, I think, banished Flea and Bajie after cleansing them of their gifts. My money is on Widow being Flea, but it feels a little too obvious. She also has something to do with Azra, because Bajie noticeably perks up when M.K. mentions the mysterious city. More on that later.

The episode isn’t a Sunny-M.K.-Bajie only one. In the Badlands, Jade is taking a bath when she hears a commotion outside. All of her Cogs and Clippers are abandoning ship because the Widow has arrived.

Jade reminds Minerva that she doesn’t kill women. Widow concedes, and in walks Quinn. Blegh. I’m ready for this “alliance” to be over.

Bajie and M.K. make it to the monastery and somehow sneak into the Master’s chambers. Bajie finds the cure — and the compass, though he doesn’t share that news with M.K. Curious. They almost get away with it too before the Master shows up and knocks them into next week, or the dinner table. Whichever comes first. It doesn’t look good for our heroes until Bajie comes up with a game changer: cut the novices and all hell will break loose, providing the cover for their escape.

Back on the dream farm, Sunny’s nightmare continues. He finds Veil’s bloodied body and his son with her blood on his hands. “She made me do it,” says Henry and Sunny is confronted by the ghost girl, Artemis. Have I mentioned I really hate ghost stories? Zombies, I can take, but ghosts — especially of the Japanese movie variety — creep the shit out of me. Turns out Artemis represents Sunny’s legacy — which is why the line from Lin’s “The World Was Wide Enough” soliloquy made the most sense for the title.

Sunny is confronted by the souls of all 404 live he has taken, his repentance parallels with Bajie’s attempts to resurrect his companion. As the poison slowly takes over his body in the real world, dream world Sunny is being suffocated by his own fears. Fortunately, Bajie’s magic acupuncture works and brings Sunny back Pulp Fiction-style right before the end.

For the first time, Sunny and his sidekicks are the happy family he has in the real world. M.K. and Bajie bond by the river over their shared experience as Robin to Sunny’s Batman. Clearly, Bajie is more of Jason Todd because he has secrets. Remember when he snatched the Azra compass? Well, he still has it and he isn’t telling anyone about it. What could it mean? Guess we’ll have to tune in next week…. when Sunny allies with Baron Chau!

There are few nerdy pursuits that bring me a lot of pure joy anymore.  Hamilton, of course, is one, and Into the Badlands is the other. And like what the homie Shawn Taylor said, sometimes it just feels better to big up a thing you love than to tear down something you don’t. That’s why I love giving these HamLands recaps to you, the people. One, unwarranted Hamilton references is kinda my thing — just ask my poor family. And two, the hashtag Into the HamLands — which was initially designed to house Badlands-specific Hamilton puns, IS BEING USED BY THE CAST AND WRITERS OF THE SHOW! (Badlands, that is. Still waiting for Lin to chime in.)

So when Veil herself tweeted this gem below, I knew it had to be the title of this week’s ‘cap!

Like the question the original tweet was getting at, this episode was all about the consequences — intended and unintended — that resulted from our main characters’ decisions throughout the season. For example…

Action: Hassan doesn’t back The Widow at the Conclave

Remember way back to episode four when the Barons met to decide Widow’s fate? It was only a matter of time before she set her sights on each and every Baron who wronged her. So it make sense that this episode opens with a sneak attack on Baron Hassan’s minions. Enter the Butterflies.

Opposite Reaction: Hassan gives Widow a hand… and a head

After the credits, we’re at the Wall, and Batman and his Robins — aka Sunny, M.K., and Bajie — arrive in the Thunder Machine at its big beautiful door. Sadly, they are unable to bring their vehicle with them but instead use it to purchase passage on a repurposed schoolbus for a one-way trip to the Badlands. The problem, though, is that Bajie’s sources aren’t on the up and up.

Instead of being taken to the Badlands, the bus is actually trafficking Cogs to Baron Chau. Sunny figures something is going down but is able to convince his sidekicks to surrender to Chau’s Clippers.

Action: Sunny “betrays” Bajie and M.K. and joins the Clippers

After being thrown into a grimy prison cell, Sunny gets the bright idea to show his captor his own Clipper tattoos. Once Chau realizes Quinn’s deadliest Clipper is in her midst, she’ll definitely let him out! And it works since it buys him an audience with Baron Chau.

Opposite Reaction: Sunny makes for a badass Storm Shadow

After meeting with Chau, and learning of the Widow/Quinn alliance, Sunny has a plan to get M.K. out of jail. He convinces her to free M.K. but only to use as bait to lure out The Widow. She doesn’t know he’s been cleansed, remember? Eventually, they show Sunny in Chau’s all-white everything and all I can think about is Daniel Wu playing Storm Shadow in a rebooted G.I. Joe movie.

Sunny also leaves Bajie behind but not before slipping him the key to his cage. He may seem like he’s turned his back on his friends, but really, he’s just being a spy on the inside.

Action: Widow forms an alliance with Quinn to take out all the Barons

Ever since Minerva thought up the idea for joining forces with Quinn, I’ve been ready for it to be over. The fact that these two don’t see eye-to-eye on anything gives me hope that the alliance will be short-lived. The first sign of dissension occurs after Widow is incensed that Quinn targeted wives and children.

Tilda also isn’t so sure about this alliance, and questions Widow’s motives. She especially feels bad about trading Veil to Quinn. But Veil ain’t here for Tilda’s excuses, though.

Opposite Reaction: Quinn is garbage and Widow won’t be partners with Tilda much longer

I can’t tell if the writers are setting Widow up to be a hero or a villain — guess that makes her an anti-hero. Because for all the good she does — freeing slaves, standing up for the women of the Badlands — her dismissal of Veil’s plight is upsetting. Sure, Widow thinks Veil is traitorous because she tried to save Tilda and M.K. from her last season — when she was portrayed as more of the antagonist — but Widow has forgiven others for less.

Another reason Tilda might not be long for the Butterflies? She finds out M.K. is alive.

Action: Sunny agrees to take out the Widow for Chau

Sunny’s plan to lure out the Butterflies works and an epic fight breaks out. Sunny was unaware of the Ace up Widow’s sleeve however. She knows where Veil and Henry are!

Opposite Reaction: Sunny teams up with Widow to take out Chau’s Clippers

Action: Quinn wants to make Henry his heir by marrying Veil

Quinn is the that dude who would make his ex-wife officiate the wedding to his new, younger wife. God, Quinn is so gross. 

Before the wedding, though, Veil and Lydia bond over their shared predicament and Lydia promises she will take care of Henry.

Opposite reaction: We all vomit –including Veil — at the thought of their “wedding night”

The wedding actually goes through, and Quinn beds Veil. She goes along, reluctantly, because she has hidden a razor blade in her lingerie and is about to murder her new husband (blegh) when Lydia rushes in to warn of an impending alliance between Sunny and Widow. But all Veil can hear is “Sunny is alive.”

In a fateful example of perfect timing, the airing of Into the Badlands episode nine, titled “Nightingale Sings No More,” coincided with Mother’s Day. So how does the Badlands writing crew celebrate mothers? By ripping their babies away from them, locking them in solitary confinement, and having them duel their daughters in deadly sword-to-sword combat, of course! More on that in a minute…

I have to admit, though, I had the toughest time coming up with my weekly Hamilton references for this episode. I don’t know if it was because I was too caught up in the story or if there were fewer parallels than usual. Either way, I was thisclose to giving up on my #IntoTheHamLands streak of recap titles! Perhaps I felt added pressure since the Badlands writers tweeted this out prior to the West Coast airing:

As I alluded to earlier, a running theme in this week’s episode was about characters breaking free from their alliances. For example, Veil, after going through that sham of a wedding last week, stopped pretending to care about Quinn — and had Henry taken from her as a consequence. Over in the Sanctuary, Widow and Sunny’s fragile alliance was also cut short once he learned the truth about Minerva’s treatment of Veil. The biggest break of the episode, however, involved Tilda and Widow, which leads me to this week’s HamLands.

You eagle-eyed (or -eared, I guess) Hamilton fans might have recognized this week’s recap subtitle as a reference to the song “Washington On Your Side.” If you didn’t pick up on it, don’t feel bad. They’re only two of thirty-plus words Daveed Diggs says in rapid succession halfway through the song. In it, Diggs’ Thomas Jefferson realizes that his differences with the President will no longer allow him to be part of the Administration so he must resign. Similarly, Tilda understands her complicity in the Widow’s machinations and basically does the same — though with much more violent consequences.

Basically, Tilda finally understands that Widow’s intentions may not have been as pure as she was led to believe. Tilda’s distrust of Widow was first made apparent when Veil arrived at the Sanctuary seeking shelter. This distrust was only deepened when Veil was subsequently traded back to Quinn in exchange for… no one really knows. Tilda finally goes over the edge when she thinks Widow has harmed her first crush M.K. — meanwhile, her current “friend” Odessa isn’t too happy about M.K.’s return either.

It all comes to a head when Tilda and Widow face off in the conservatory. This fight has actually been a long time coming. If you recall, Tilda had a chance to turn on Widow in season one but didn’t act on it. Ultimately, Widow bests her “daughter” and is content with “teaching her a lesson.” Tilda, though, begs to be put out of her misery. Widow seemingly obliges, and the internet freaked out in response. Fortunately, Badlands supervising producer LaToya Morgan quelled our fears.

Of course, Tilda v Widow: Dawn of Butterflies wasn’t the only thing that went down. The episode actually started with an interesting flashback that confirmed what most of us had been speculating all along: Minerva is the novice Bajie nicknamed “Flea.”

The confirmation of Widow’s past only solidifies her motivations in the present and clarifies her obsession with M.K. in season one. She too once had the dark gift and seeks Azra. Unlike M.K., though, Widow wants the power back. Bajie also has some kind of mysterious connection to Azra as well since he perked up at the sight of Flea’s Azran book the same way he did when pocketing M.K.’s compass. Hopefully all will be revealed during the finale.

In West Avalon — aka the Armadillo bunker, we learn how Quinn is able to elicit such devotion from his Clippers. Sure, he’s a cult leader with the charisma of a Southern preacher, but he also offers his minions ice cream. Vanilla Ice Cream. And they’re all like…

It must have been some bomb ass ice cream too because it leads Gabriel to strap an actual bomb to his chest when he sneaks into Butterfly territory to blow them all to smithereens. But not before he tells Sunny the truth about Widow’s alliance with Quinn and shatters the Widow/Sunny alliance before it can even get started.

Now I’m not exactly sure why Widow was so quick to sic her army on Sunny. She could have claimed Gabriel was lying or that she had a reason for sending Veil back to Quinn. Either way, fisticuffs could have definitely been avoided. Instead, Sunny loses the army he was hoping to have to march on Quinn’s forces and we’re deprived of a genuine Widow-Sunny team going into the finale.

It would’ve been nice, it would’ve been nice… to have Widow on his side.

So that happened.

We’ve been singing the praises of Into the Badlands all season, but man, that death was disappointing. I’ll keep the spoiler about which character(s) met their ultimate demise until after the jump. Just know that it has made me reevaluate how I feel about this show.

I’ll get the recap portion out of the way, quickly. Sunny makes his way to Quinn’s hideout, but makes a pit stop at the old Armadillo fort to get his Season One motorcycle and Clipper costume. Lydia tries to warn Quinn’s men about the explosives, but they’re well aware and don’t care. Cracks start to form in Waldo’s allegiance to Widow. Bajie is stuck in Widow’s prison cell, studying her Azran journal. Tilda is his cellmate and is also alive. M.K. calls Widow out on her bullshit, and refuses to be her tool.

Odessa breaks Tilda out of prison and Tilda convinces her to get Bajie out as well. They’re about to be stopped by a male butterfly when Waldo intervenes and sets them free.

Meanwhile, Sunny finds Lydia in the woods and saves her from Quinn’s goons. Finally, the moment has arrived. Sunny makes his way inside West Avalon, only to be met by a firing squad armed with flaming arrows.

Sunny survives the initial assault but is knocked out when Quinn explodes one of his bombs and knocks a wall on to him. Sunny is clearly outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered, outplanned. But before he can make an all out stand, he’s gonna need a right hand man.

With Bajie’s help, they are able to take out all of Quinn’s men and much blood is spilled before we get the scene we’ve been waiting ten episodes for. Sunny and Veil are finally reunited and share a passionate, showstopping kiss, punctuated by the swelling score and sweeping camera moves.

Of course, happy endings don’t last forever. As Sunny and Veil escape to retrieve Henry from Quinn’s clutches, Bajie stays behind to take out one last Quinn goon. In the process, Bajie, embarrassingly, gets gutted by a pair of scissors and bleeds out in one of Quinn’s barber chairs. It’s all good though because Bajie somehow survives, steals Sunny’s bike, and drives to a mysterious satellite station where he’s able to use the Azran compass and journal to… I dunno exactly? It’s a very Lost-esque end to the season.

Meanwhile, Sunny has one final showdown with Quinn, and it’s a doozy of a fight. Several killing blows are landed, but Quinn stubbornly stays on his feet.

Sunny finally takes Quinn out once and for all and is reunited with his son (for the first time). Of course, Sunny never made sure Quinn was dead, so he’s able to somehow hop to his feet and hold Veil at knife sai point. Sunny has to choose between Henry and Veil.

Now, a couple episodes back, when they introduced #TilDessa, I was worried that Badlands would fall into a familiar trope of introducing gay characters only to eventually kill them off. Last week’s swerve with Tilda, and by extension Odessa, seemed to confirm that expectation. So it was a relief that both characters not only survived, but were able to end the season quite literally riding off into the sunset. The problem is that I was so preoccupied with that trope that I didn’t see that the writers were going to employ a trope that was just as awful — though Laura kind of called it on the latest episode of Hard NOC Life.

Rather than make Sunny choose between her or their son, Veil takes Quinn’s hand and impales herself (and Quinn) with his blade. Unlike every other frickin’ cast member on the show, Veil does not survive the stabbing. Even though Bajie, Quinn, and Tilda all seem to be able to hop right back up after similar blows. Perhaps their magical whiteness protects them?

And here’s where I feel sort of betrayed by the show. All season, we’ve been showering it with praise for its progressiveness and commitment to diversity. We’ve noted how the showrunners — Al Gough and Miles Millar — were responsive to criticisms of season one by employing even more characters of color, especially women like The Master and Baron Chau — in Season Two. The show has amassed a lot of goodwill in diverse internet fan communities like ours and others.

So to have Madeleine Mantock removed from the show like this is a real slap in the face to the fans. Especially when the Veil/Sunny romance is one of the biggest draws of the show. And especially because the genre trope of killing off the black female love interest to further the hero’s journey is beneath a show like Into the Badlands. Women (and especially Black women) aren’t plot devices!